Life After Falling Apart

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Sometimes when things fall apart, they are actually falling into place.  Timber Hawkeye

To be great, you have to go through great things – not just great wins, but great tragedy.  It’s about getting back into the fight no matter how dinged up you get.  As told to Kevin Ross

When you are evolving into a higher self, the road may seem lonely; but, you’re simply shedding the energies that no longer match the frequency of your destiny.  Unknown

The warrior knows that her heartbreak is her map.  It will lead her toward her purpose, her tribe.  Glennon Doyle Melton

Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure.  The Get Down, Ep 1

F.E.A.R. has two meanings: Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. The choice is yours.  Zig Ziglar

Just let go.  Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.   Caroline Myss

Through the Fire

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Sometimes in order for a life to be rebuilt it has to be torn down and torn apart.

Within a two year period, I lost my mom and my source of income.  I stopped seeing my therapist because I could no longer afford to pay him.  Nevertheless, within six months, I completed and self-published a book that I had been trying to write since 1994.  I resumed my exercise and lost 30 pounds.

Then I broke my foot and was in a boot for seven months, which was an incredibly difficult adjustment.  Yet, my immobility caused me to stop and think.  I could do little else but reflect, meditate, and question what was going on with my life, what I was doing, and what I was going to do.  How many people get the opportunity to do nothing?  This is very critical.  As I wrote in my book, we’re on this treadmill and we don’t want to get off.  We think we can’t get off.  That’s what I thought.  What will happen if I get off of this treadmill?  I was very unhappy.  Yet, I kept going.  I kept doing the same things over and over.

After my mom died, my life seemed to fall apart and I couldn’t figure out how to put it together again.  It was a very intense time.  Even today, I become emotional remembering that period.  But I can look back and I see that what I went through was analogous to a building being demolished.  Anything that I no longer needed in my life disappeared.  Some forms of existence cannot remain if change is going to come.

Therapy began a process of critical and immense change.  That process included many births and deaths, beginnings and endings.  I regained my health.  People and institutions left my life.  I started Ancient Seeker.  I didn’t appreciate much of my journey as I traveled along my tumultuous roads.  Change is not always enjoyable.  It can be very traumatic.  Some people don’t endure great changes.  Their lives go along at the same speed.  I experienced substantial changes that were painful and traumatic.  But I got through them and became aware of the benefits.

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Leap in the Dark to Your Success

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We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.   Henry David Thoreau

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.   Eleanor Roosevelt

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.  Marcel Proust

The universe has infinite organizing power and, as conscious beings, we have ready access to this realm simply by spending time in stillness and silence.  The same consciousness that orchestrates the myriad rhythms of the whole world dwells within each of us.  As we cultivate present moment awareness and remain open to the many opportunities life offers, we open to the power within us to realize all our dreams with effortless ease.   Oprah Winfry, Deepak Chopra

The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.   Mark Twain

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  Albert Einstein

The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.  Albert Einstein

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?  Do you see the real you, or what you have been conditioned to believe is you?  The two are so, so different.  One is an infinite consciousness capable of being and creating whatever it chooses.  The other is an illusion imprisoned by its own perceived and programmed limitations.  David Icke

Obstacles For Your Good

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Sometimes paths are blocked because they’re not for you.  You want your life to be a certain way.  On your job, you’re not promoted or paid as you believe you deserve to be.  Opportunities are not afforded you. There is constant tension.  You pursue an objective for many years and it doesn’t manifest.  You have specific intentions.  You do every single thing that you can think of to achieve a goal and don’t understand why it’s not attainable.

Maybe all of the doors that you’re knocking on are not meant for you.  One door is wide open; but, you think, “I don’t want that door.  That’s not in my plan.  I didn’t envision that for myself.”

However, if this is the only door that is open, your choices are to stay where you are or to walk through that door.  Personally, I’d rather see what’s on the other side than to keep doing what I’ve always done and to stay where I’ve always been, especially if I feel that my potential has been limited.

For me, it’s about trusting and having faith that, if this is the only door that is open, then this must be for me.  I must have the courage to step through that door and into uncertainty.

Many times we want things that are not for us.  The things that I put my highest effort towards were tangible things.  I wanted a job that gave me a certain amount of money.  When I switched to wanting intangible things, my life started changing very fast.  Opportunities opened that I would never have considered, but decided to accept even though I didn’t know why they were being made available to me.  I decided to just flow and say, “Wow! This is interesting.  Let me go with this.”

Going through that door has not yet given me the money that I want or need.  Nevertheless, I have received intangible experiences that matched my revised intentions: being around fluid, open, and friendly people; people who appreciate me and acknowledge my skills and potential.  When I chased money, I was rarely validated or affirmed.  I suppose I was around other people who were also primarily pursuing money and not really happy.  They expressed their unhappiness.  Being also unhappy, I was a receptive vessel.

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Let Go Move On

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To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clinging and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit.    Jack Kornfield

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.  When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.   Tao Te Ching

The secret of life is not about knowing what to say or do.  It’s not about doing love or loss right.  Life cannot be handled.  The secret is simply to show up.  It’s about witnessing it all, even the pain, and letting it touch you and make you not harder, but more tender.  Glennon Doyle Melton

You will find that it is necessary to let things go simply for the reason that they are heavy.  So let them go.  Let go of them.  I tie no weights to my ankles.  C. JoyBell C.

Cry.  Forgive.  Learn.  Move on.  Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.  Steve Maraboli

For you who no longer possess it, freedom is everything.  For us who do, it is merely an illusion.   Emile M. Cioran

Let Emotions Pass Through

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I realize the efficacy of positive thinking.  I believe that thoughts held in mind produce in kind.  I also believe in not resisting feelings and emotions.  I identify and acknowledge them and let them pass through.  I am becoming less rigid in holding on to one way of being and thinking.

Granted, I’m not completely there yet.  At times, I complain as I am concurrently grateful because a great benefit has occurred in my life in the midst of seemingly intractable limitations.  I am so very thankful for the water even as I look around in despair at the immensity of the desert surrounding me.

As I look with wonder at all that passes through my life, I have an open and receptive heart, and greet the many colors and shapes of my life with immeasurable gratitude.  Yet, I still become irritated, angry, overwhelmed, frustrated, impatient, tired, anxious, and fearful.  Significantly, I no longer remain in these states for long.  I identify them.  I know exactly why I feel a certain way.  I allow myself time to process.  I give my emotions attention.  Sometimes, I try to help them move along.  Other times, I let them stay while I go on with my life.  I acknowledge their presence and state aloud their identities if my feelings need that type of expression.

Sooner or later, my emotions move on to return later at a frequency dependent upon my life’s circumstances and maturation.  I tend to cling to happiness, joy, and fun and attempt to block worry, anger, and resentment.  If I’m happy, I want to stay this way.  If I’m worried, I want what is causing my anxiety to go away.  Both are forms of clinging, the latter in the sense that what you resist, persists.  Attachment and rejection are sides of the same coin.  Both are obstacles to flowing.

The water and the desert, the sun and the rain, the joy and the pain are all vital to life.  Each has a purpose.  The key for me is to receive what presents itself and act or not act according to my degree of motivation, information, analysis, and accepted guidance.

When I look back on my life, I see that I am still here.  Still standing.  Still breathing.  I see that what I thought was unbearable was indeed very tolerable because I made it through.  I made it to now.  If I could have seen the future that is today, I wouldn’t have been so very depressed and stressed out of my mind.  Perhaps I would have enjoyed more happy days, knowing what was to come.

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Be You

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If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.   Maxwell Maltz

Success is doing what you want, when you want, where you want, with whom you want, as much as you want.  Tony Robbins

The world is full of nice people.  If you can’t find one, be one.  Nishan Panwar

You’re far more powerful than you may have been led to believe.  It’s time to remember your greatness as a powerful eternal being, a creator, a direct reflection of all that is and ever has been.  Stand in your power confidently.  Chantelle Renee

If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.  Unknown

If you want to be happy, be.  Leo Tolstoy

Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends.  Aberjhani Dare

Sunshine and Rain

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One of my little charges told me that other girls don’t want to play with her and asked me to make them play with her.  I told her, “When you ask people to play with you, they think something is wrong with you.  If you want to play, just play.  Do what you do.  Most people will join you if you look like you’re having a good time.”

Kids are always telling me, “Such and such called me this.”  I ask them, “Are you that?  How does that hurt you?”  I teach them the Sticks and Stones verse: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.  I tell them to say, “My name is [   ] and I am like the sun.  Nothing can stop me from shining.”  I point to the sky as I state: “The sun shines no matter what.  When you see clouds, the sun is still shining.  We just can’t see it.  Even when it is dark where we are, the sun is shining somewhere.  The sun never ever stops shining.

Sometimes we don’t see the sun for whatever reason.  People can be like clouds.  Think of yourself as the sun.  It appears that clouds are blocking you, but they are not.  No matter what – clouds, rain, darkness – the sun always shines.  If you constantly think of yourself as the sun, you will realize that, no matter what people do or say, the truth that is you and the reality that is you will never stop shining.  If you always believe that, then you’ll always act like the sun and nothing can diminish your brilliance.

The earth rotates around the sun.  Sooner or later, a spot that’s in darkness will always return to being within the sun’s rays.  You have to be steadfast like the sun.  You have to wait until the earth or people or circumstances and events and situations rotate around to you.  You must remember that your brilliance and your joy are always there, no matter what is going on outside of you.”

Because they are little kids, I sing and dance and act silly as I tell them this.  They laugh, but they’ll remember one day.

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Be Open to Learning

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When you become the image of your own imagination, it’s the most powerful thing you could ever do.   RuPaul

You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.  Marianne Williamson

I am open to the guidance of synchronicity and do not let expectations hinder my path.  Dalai Lama

Learn what you can, teach what you know, live how you ought.  Matshona Dhliwayo

The soul always knows what to do to heal itself.  The challenge is to silence the mind.  Caroline Myss

Surrender is when you get put in an absolutely impossible position, and you see that there is no other way but to surrender.  Ram Dass

Maturity is the ability to live joyfully in an imperfect world.  Richard Rohr

God’s delays are not God’s denials.  Robert H. Schuller

Out of the Abyss

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Not long ago, my life appeared at a standstill.  I did not seem to be changing or moving at all.  Things were not going as desired.  At times, it seemed as though my life was going backwards.  Yet, something was moving.  Something is always being created.  We are always evolving, despite appearances.

The tangible things that I visualized for myself in the past are not manifesting.  Nevertheless, what is occurring is amazing.  I feel as though blessings are overtaking me, outrunning me.  It’s not like I’ve won a million dollars.  My life is still full of stressful change, financial insecurity, lessons to be learned, and persons performing as I would not.  I am learning much on the run and through the fire.

I am flowing in a very fast river that is going in a direction that I think will benefit me in the long run.  I am observing my very interesting life that is changing daily.  Because I am not choosing the facts of my situation, I am learning to consistently adjust to new circumstances.  This is how my life was when I was young.  I sought newness.  As an older person, however, I must convince myself to stretch, to get out of whatever rut I was in.  Even though I wasn’t in a comfortable rut, I grew accustomed to doing things within the limitations in which I found myself.

Although I wasn’t happy with my bridge job (the one I took to get me to my next step), I was making enough to get through.  Now, I am working full time and making less than I was making at my part-time bridge job; but, it’s an exciting time.  I am working with children.  I’ve always loved being around children.  I learn new things because children are always in the present.  They see the world as it is today, as it is now, not as it will be tomorrow.  They don’t remember yesterday.  I’m learning to deal with children in different ways than the ways in which I was brought up.  This is an extremely intense learning experience.

I’m learning to say yes because this is a new world.  I’m not tying myself to the ways that I think should be.  I’m having to put into practice all of the principles that I have been writing about for the past two years in Ancient Seeker and the ways in which I’ve been trying to grow throughout the last 20 to 30 years.  There is a big difference in intellectually knowing what to do and actually being face to face with a situation or person and having to take a deep breath and dive in and make mistakes and figure out how to do it better the next time.

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