One of my little charges told me that other girls don’t want to play with her and asked me to make them play with her.  I told her, “When you ask people to play with you, they think something is wrong with you.  If you want to play, just play.  Do what you do.  Most people will join you if you look like you’re having a good time.”

Kids are always telling me, “Such and such called me this.”  I ask them, “Are you that?  How does that hurt you?”  I teach them the Sticks and Stones verse: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.  I tell them to say, “My name is [   ] and I am like the sun.  Nothing can stop me from shining.”  I point to the sky as I state: “The sun shines no matter what.  When you see clouds, the sun is still shining.  We just can’t see it.  Even when it is dark where we are, the sun is shining somewhere.  The sun never ever stops shining.

Sometimes we don’t see the sun for whatever reason.  People can be like clouds.  Think of yourself as the sun.  It appears that clouds are blocking you, but they are not.  No matter what – clouds, rain, darkness – the sun always shines.  If you constantly think of yourself as the sun, you will realize that, no matter what people do or say, the truth that is you and the reality that is you will never stop shining.  If you always believe that, then you’ll always act like the sun and nothing can diminish your brilliance.

The earth rotates around the sun.  Sooner or later, a spot that’s in darkness will always return to being within the sun’s rays.  You have to be steadfast like the sun.  You have to wait until the earth or people or circumstances and events and situations rotate around to you.  You must remember that your brilliance and your joy are always there, no matter what is going on outside of you.”

Because they are little kids, I sing and dance and act silly as I tell them this.  They laugh, but they’ll remember one day.

Sometimes children will ask why another child throws things, cries, doesn’t obey instructions, and becomes uncontrollable.  I remind them of things that are hard to do, like read certain books or do certain math problems; but, as we get older, we learn how to read better or to tie our shoes or put on our own clothes.  Sometimes we feel sad or angry or frustrated because things aren’t working out the way we want.  We can’t handle or identify different emotions.  We don’t always know how to deal with feelings that are inside of us.

If we learn how to express ourselves as children, we’ll be better able to deal with our feelings when we grow up.  So we must always try to put into words why we are sad or angry or frustrated.  If we keep asking ourselves what is wrong, with practice, we will get better at figuring it out.  Sometimes it helps to tell someone, “I am mad.  I am sad.  I am scared.  I don’t feel good right now.”  That person may be able to help us figure it out.

I explain that the child might be going through something that he doesn’t know how to deal with.  He feels that he can’t control the situation.  Only adults control.  So the child tries to control what he can.  He may insist on sitting in only one chair or possessing a particular item.  It doesn’t make sense to us; but it’s his way of having some degree of control over what’s happening to him in the midst of everything being controlled by adults.

Often, we don’t know what to do.  We’re just angry, mad at the situation, and mad at someone on whom we can’t take it out.  So we take it out on someone who is our size or smaller or those we know won’t hurt us.  Sometimes we take it out on those we love or those who we know love us.

Throughout our lives, we have to learn to identify the cause of our anger and control it.  The anger that we express does not always reflect the source of our anger because we don’t always know exactly why we are angry.  We are simply angry and take it out on the person available in the moment.  It’s not right.  That’s just how life is.  Part of growing up is learning how to deal with our feelings and emotions.

Recognizing how challenging this is helps us to be compassionate as we interact with others who also need to become more skillful in knowing and expressing themselves.