Category Archives: Anger Series

Let Emotions Pass Through

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I realize the efficacy of positive thinking.  I believe that thoughts held in mind produce in kind.  I also believe in not resisting feelings and emotions.  I identify and acknowledge them and let them pass through.  I am becoming less rigid in holding on to one way of being and thinking.

Granted, I’m not completely there yet.  At times, I complain as I am concurrently grateful because a great benefit has occurred in my life in the midst of seemingly intractable limitations.  I am so very thankful for the water even as I look around in despair at the immensity of the desert surrounding me.

As I look with wonder at all that passes through my life, I have an open and receptive heart, and greet the many colors and shapes of my life with immeasurable gratitude.  Yet, I still become irritated, angry, overwhelmed, frustrated, impatient, tired, anxious, and fearful.  Significantly, I no longer remain in these states for long.  I identify them.  I know exactly why I feel a certain way.  I allow myself time to process.  I give my emotions attention.  Sometimes, I try to help them move along.  Other times, I let them stay while I go on with my life.  I acknowledge their presence and state aloud their identities if my feelings need that type of expression.

Sooner or later, my emotions move on to return later at a frequency dependent upon my life’s circumstances and maturation.  I tend to cling to happiness, joy, and fun and attempt to block worry, anger, and resentment.  If I’m happy, I want to stay this way.  If I’m worried, I want what is causing my anxiety to go away.  Both are forms of clinging, the latter in the sense that what you resist, persists.  Attachment and rejection are sides of the same coin.  Both are obstacles to flowing.

The water and the desert, the sun and the rain, the joy and the pain are all vital to life.  Each has a purpose.  The key for me is to receive what presents itself and act or not act according to my degree of motivation, information, analysis, and accepted guidance.

When I look back on my life, I see that I am still here.  Still standing.  Still breathing.  I see that what I thought was unbearable was indeed very tolerable because I made it through.  I made it to now.  If I could have seen the future that is today, I wouldn’t have been so very depressed and stressed out of my mind.  Perhaps I would have enjoyed more happy days, knowing what was to come.

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Sunshine and Rain

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One of my little charges told me that other girls don’t want to play with her and asked me to make them play with her.  I told her, “When you ask people to play with you, they think something is wrong with you.  If you want to play, just play.  Do what you do.  Most people will join you if you look like you’re having a good time.”

Kids are always telling me, “Such and such called me this.”  I ask them, “Are you that?  How does that hurt you?”  I teach them the Sticks and Stones verse: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.  I tell them to say, “My name is [   ] and I am like the sun.  Nothing can stop me from shining.”  I point to the sky as I state: “The sun shines no matter what.  When you see clouds, the sun is still shining.  We just can’t see it.  Even when it is dark where we are, the sun is shining somewhere.  The sun never ever stops shining.

Sometimes we don’t see the sun for whatever reason.  People can be like clouds.  Think of yourself as the sun.  It appears that clouds are blocking you, but they are not.  No matter what – clouds, rain, darkness – the sun always shines.  If you constantly think of yourself as the sun, you will realize that, no matter what people do or say, the truth that is you and the reality that is you will never stop shining.  If you always believe that, then you’ll always act like the sun and nothing can diminish your brilliance.

The earth rotates around the sun.  Sooner or later, a spot that’s in darkness will always return to being within the sun’s rays.  You have to be steadfast like the sun.  You have to wait until the earth or people or circumstances and events and situations rotate around to you.  You must remember that your brilliance and your joy are always there, no matter what is going on outside of you.”

Because they are little kids, I sing and dance and act silly as I tell them this.  They laugh, but they’ll remember one day.

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Neighbors and Trash

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Knowing what to do and putting it into practice are two very distinct concepts.  For me, implementation remains a continuous and, sometimes, frustrating process.

Case in point:  I continue to grow through my neighbors.  In this post, we won’t even get into the loud music, the roaring cars making screeching circles (“donuts”) in the street, the drugs, abandoned and stripped cars, etc.  Today we will deal with trash only.  I have tried to speak to my neighbors and their guests nicely and explain why I don’t like them to throw trash in front of my house.

I’ve told them: “You’re not doing this only to me.  You’re not respecting yourselves.  This is your neighborhood, your community.  Is this how you want to live?”  It’s like my outer calm infuriates them.  They curse and discard more trash, most likely mirroring my inner turmoil.

I started sweeping the trash in my yard out into the street because I’m so tired of daily picking up other people’s liquor bottles, condoms, cigarette butts, fast food boxes, and other rubbish.  It would take me less than 5 minutes to pick up the trash and then it would be gone.  But the way I do it, it lasts infinitely.  Because I sweep it out into the street, I still see it every day in front of my house.  When it rains, it becomes soggy and glued to the asphalt.  Other people see the trash.  I guess they feel that it’s a dump, so they also throw their debris there.  I then have more trash.  Wet gooey trash.  The situation worsens.

So I started thinking: “what is going on? Why must I live like this?”

My first mind, the part that gets irritated, says: “These people are wrong!  I have a right to be angry and respond accordingly!  Why can’t I have decent and considerate neighbors?  Why do I have to live in a crappy neighborhood?”

The observing and objective part of my mind says: “And??  Pick up the trash and move on instead of letting it linger.  Every time you see the trash you get angrier and angrier.  There are other things to get angry about.  This is not one of them.  Stop thinking about what bothers you.  Think about what you want and how you would like things to be.”

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Can I Be Peace?

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Peace flickr

I live near a venue where professional and televised basketball, football, and baseball games are played.  In this Age of The Internet, advertisers still use low-flying planes with banners that fly incessantly over my house.  During playoffs, helicopters and blimps hover over the arena.  The noise is irritating, but used to drive me into a rage, especially on a nice Sunday morning when I was trying to enjoy peace and quiet.

I would stand outside, document the fly-over times, and submit written complaints to the airport noise officer, who would send confirmations, but do nothing else.  I did this consistently for about six months – a total waste of my time and energy.

I have neighbors who used to play loud, bass-containing, rap music with N, F, and B words for hours on end.  I would incur their anger by repeatedly asking them to turn it down, earning the reputation as the mean lady on the block.  I would complain about people leaving vehicles in front of my house and numerous other nuisances.  I did not enjoy living in my house, primarily because of external irritants.

When meditating, I like to have complete silence.  In the past, if there was noise, I became so distracted I stopped meditating.  Isn’t that crazy?  There is always noise of some kind.  The thoughts of your mind are louder than any external thing.  If you become quiet enough, you can hear your heartbeat or the hum of energy surrounding you.

I finally decided to try to be peace in order to have peace, primarily by looking within.

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Anger, Forgiveness, and Letting Go

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forgiveness rocks motherrr

One day, I became so angry that I did not know what to do.  So I sat in meditation and asked for a solution to the situation that had caused the anger.  As I became still and continued to ask for guidance, my request became more refined.  I asked for clarity so that I could become a channel for healing. The answer did not come during this meditation. Throughout that day, I thought: “Clarity – Healing” to remind me of the answer that I sought.

A couple of days later, I watched a medical intuitive who was a guest on Oprah.  She was, in essence, a psychic, but didn’t like that label.  She explained that words carry energy and she wanted to be very careful of how she used them. The intuitive revealed what I’ve known for years, but have had much difficulty implementing in my life.  Do not judge.  Have no expectations.  Give up the idea that you need to know why things happen as they do. Forgive.

Forgiveness is a selfish act because it helps you more than the other person.  Let go and be aware that every thought and emotion has power that can be used for or against you. Do whatever you need to do to transcend your pain so that you can stop creating more of the same.

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