Change Self

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Quotes from Gary Zukav:

Changing the world begins with the very personal process of changing yourself.  The only place you can begin is where you are, and the only time you can begin is always now.

When you have an emotional reaction to what you see, you are judging. That is your signal that you have an issue inside of yourself – with yourself – not with the other person.

If you react to evil, look inside yourself for the very thing that so agitates you and you will find it. If it were not there, you would simply discern, act appropriately, and move on.

We cannot stop the winter or the summer from coming. We cannot stop the spring or the fall or make them other than they are. They are gifts from the universe that we cannot refuse.  But we can choose what we will contribute to life when each arrives.

We cannot control what emotions or circumstances we will experience next, but we can choose how we will respond to them.

Each personality draws to itself personalities with consciousness of like frequency, or like weakness.  Therefore, the world of an angry person is filled with angry people.  The world of a greedy person is filled with greedy people and a loving person lives in a world of loving people.

Where is God?

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I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that was particularly moving to me.  People died.  There was a lot of unfairness.  A little boy got shot by police while climbing into a window of his own home.  It looked as though he was going to be ok, but he succumbed to his injuries.  A woman suddenly died after giving birth.  A young man tried to cut off his hand because his literal translation of the Bible compelled him to do so.

April, a deeply religious doctor, witnessed or was involved in these events.  Overwhelmed, she started to mentally relive the tragedies of her own life.  The husband of the woman who died was a man who April left at the altar, running away in her wedding dress with Jackson, another doctor.  Their marriage disintegrated after she had a miscarriage and, thereafter, became severely depressed.

By the end of the episode, April was emotionally drained and asked, “Where is God in all of this?”  She thought of the story of Job and Jesus on the cross saying, “Why has thou forsaken me?”

I started crying because this scene brought back traumatic experiences in my own life.  I used to repeatedly read the Book of Job trying to find some understanding of my perceived suffering.  At this point in my life, however, I realize that God expresses itself through us and that we do not always well express God. This Spirit that is perfect comes through the prism that is us.  We cannot see our perfection because the pain of the flesh overrides our awareness of our true Essence.

God exists in and through us.  Until we can fully express the Reality of God, we continue to manifest God imperfectly, diluted, and distorted by our own perceptions, by our own sickness, and by our own weakness.

We have drifted far away from our authentic selves.  I know what I’m supposed to do; but, somehow, I get caught up in the world, in the material.  The flesh takes over.  I read about the Infinite Way.  I say I understand it.  I know it.  I want it.  Yet, against my will it seems, I continue to express anger, fear, resentment, and judgment.  I repeatedly fail to demonstrate an assurance of abundance, love, and protection. Continue reading →

Create From Within

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From The Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith:

No more will you fear conditions or circumstances seemingly outside of you or beyond your control.  Now you know that all that can transpire in your experience is occurring within your consciousness and, therefore, is subject to its government and control.

It is not that Spirit produces or heals or corrects matter or the physical universe, but that we rise higher in consciousness to where there is less matter and, therefore, less discord, inharmony, disease, or lack.

It may at first appear difficult to achieve the state of consciousness wherein the laws of our inner being come into tangible expression.  We will achieve it, however, in proportion to our ability to relax mentally, to gain an inner calm and peace, and therein quietly contemplate the revelations which come to us from within.

As the realization of our dominion dawns in thought, more assurance, confidence, and certainty become evident.  We become a new being, and the world reflects back to us our own higher attitude toward it.

We can take possession of our affairs only as we consciously realize that they are the effect of our own consciousness, the image and likeness of our own being, the manifestation or expression of our divine Self.

That which we seem to be seeking is ever-present within us, and already manifested, and we need to know this truth.  All good already is, and is forever manifested.  The recognition of this truth is answered prayer.

I Dream My World

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For the last nine months, I have been an 8th grade special education teacher.  My experience has been another excursion into immense self-growth.

Exhaustion was my primary characteristic during this time.  I was falling asleep while standing exhausted, not thinking clearly exhausted, forgetting things exhausted, and coming home and immediately lying down and going to sleep exhausted.  When I work, I tend to put my all into it.   I don’t have boundaries because I like to do good work.  It’s like cleaning house or doing yardwork.  Once I start, I see so much that needs to and can be accomplished.  When administrators see that a worker bee is competent and reliable, more work is given.  At the end of each 9+ hour day, for which I was not compensated over 6.5 hours, I had no energy or inclination to handle the affairs of my personal life.

I got caught up in the external.  I didn’t have time to exercise, do yoga, meditate, or otherwise work on my inner and physical selves.  Every single thought and action was focused on situations and circumstances beyond my personal being.  I got carried away – again – and became upset when I felt unappreciated, unsupported, and disrespected.  I began to feel resentful and trapped.  My perceptions reflected this state of mind.  I saw other staff members treated unfairly.  Maybe their fates would be mine.

I began to live in fear, which caused me to relinquish my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual stability to a misguided belief that someone external to me controlled my life.

Maybe people like me who allow work to run over our lives are actually running from our lives.  Maybe work is an excuse, an escape.  I don’t want to accept this, because – truly – it’s not how I want to live.  But why do I continue to repeat this pattern?  How is it that others maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life?  They don’t become hooked on the what ifs.  What if I don’t meet my deadlines?  What if I take a day off?  For some reason, balanced people choose self and somehow manage to remain employed.  Could it be that others pick up on their sense of self-worth and reflect it back to them?

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Know When to Let Go

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Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength.  However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.    Ann Landers

You will find that it is necessary to let things go simply for the reason that they are heavy.  So let them go.  Let go of them.  I tie no weights to my ankles.  C. JoyBell C.

Stress is not what happens to us.  It’s our response to what happens.  And response is something we can choose.  Maureen Killoran

You have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to leave them there.  Iyanla Vanzant

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.  C. S. Lewis

Anything that annoys you is teaching you patience.  Anyone who abandons you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.  Anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness and compassion.  Anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take your power back.  Anything you hate is teaching you unconditional love.  Anything you fear is teaching you courage to overcome your fear.  Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.  Jackson Kiddard

The past will be your teacher if you learn from it; your master if you live in it.  Valentin

Goodbye and Hello

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On New Year’s Eve 2016, I decided that, in 2017, I would choose me.  I would choose what I want in my life and what I want to do – as opposed to doing what is expected of me.  On New Year’s Day 2017, with purposeful intention, I opened my mind, my heart, and my soul to Flow.  I resolved to get along with people, to not react and respond to what I perceive as negativity, and to learn to see the light in myself and everyone else.

On the last day of 2016, I outlined life changes that I would work on in 2017.  I would strive to be positive and cooperative.  I would let go of how others treated me, what they didn’t give me, or what they could have or should have done.  I accepted that I have the power to change my life and that there is no power that has yet been born that can take away my joy.

More importantly, I saw myself moving forward by any positive and productive means necessary.  Sometimes, we won’t leave our neighborhoods, cities, loved ones, jobs or other comfort zones – no matter how draining or miserable – because of cultural norms, family ties, love, financial dependence, fear of being alone, obligation, and any number of reasons.

I am around many people who live health-based lives.  I am also close to those who chose to live in unhealthy ways and are in denial of the realities and consequences of their actions and ways of thinking and being.  I completely understand the latter because it has been extremely hard to look in my mirror and face the ways in which I have contributed to all aspects of my existence.  Regardless of how I believe that I have been treated and how unfair and wrong the externals in my life have been, I could have reacted differently, knowing that I am complete and whole, and that nothing can stop me from receiving what is for me.

Sometimes, being understanding, supportive, and committed can keep you from your destiny.  When your fullest potential is unrealized, maybe it’s time to step back and away from where you’re placing your primary efforts.  As for me, I got tired of living on the side of a cliff and decided to get off.  Whatever it takes, whoever and whatever I have to leave, I am moving forward, onward and upward.

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Show Up Anyway

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I have come to accept myself with all my weaknesses as well as my strengths.  I no longer run away from my negative feelings and emotions that once overwhelmed and incapacitated me, but come to face them without fear.  “The Joy of Practice” by Chan Tue Nghiem from A Joyful Path by Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.  Georgia O’Keefe

There is a force in the universe forever on the side of those brave enough to trust it.  Nancy Van Fleet

Here’s the secret: nobody’s ready.  Every single day, each of us receives some kind of offer in our shaking hands and feels unqualified to accept it.  It’s up to us to become bold enough to trust the opportunity, come out of hiding, and start dancing with life – to be messy and complicated and show up anyway.  Glennon Doyle

You have omnipotence at your command and eternity at your disposal.  Khephra Burns

Old way of thinking: If I don’t try, I can’t fail.  New: If I don’t try, I will definitely fail.

Life’s Planks

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It would have been financially great if I had stayed at one job for 30 years.  Those who retire after 30 years can do a lot because they have time and financial security.  I chose to have incredible experiences throughout my younger years.  I traveled annually to many countries.  I followed what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  I explored different ways of being in a variety of different environments.

At the time, I didn’t consider future stability.  I anticipated that the diversity of my experiences would insure my marketability.  My life was definitely enriched.  I was open and free, able to meet people and go to places on a whim.  I lived in hostels, jumped off of cliffs, went paragliding, explored nude beaches, swam in foreign bodies of water, and danced all night in clubs that might not today allow me entry.  I’m glad that I did those things while I was young and willing.

It’s a trade-off.  Some people have the money, wherewithal, and opportunity to explore and live an adventurous life and retain financial security.  Others accept that this is the life that we chose.  The experience of living life to its fullest was worth the cost.  I don’t know.  I can’t say one way is right or wrong.  It is what it is.

I have led a very interesting life.  It has taught me to be adaptive, which is helping me during this period of uncertainty.  I still complain and have feelings of frustration, fear, and worry.  However, I consider this period as another change, another adjustment.  I know that I will get through it.  I tell myself, “Bear with it.  Be open.  Be receptive.  Flow.  Don’t be judgmental.  Don’t be rigid.  Don’t have fixed expectations.”  It’s an interesting time.

When I was young, I used to watch this cartoon.  A man would walk on a plank and come to its end.  Right when he stepped off, another plank would rise to meet him and he would continue walking.  This happened repeatedly.  That was the only thing that happened in the cartoon.  Being a child, I liked repetition.  I would sit there and watch this man walk off this plank and on to another one over and over again.

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Accept Change

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Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.  How do you know this is the experience you need?  Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.  Eckhart Tolle

We can’t plan life.  All we can do is be available for it.   Lauryn Hill

Only through constantly changing can we achieve our greatest potential.  Robin Hart

. . . and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.  Anais Nin

Acceptance makes an incredible fertile soil for the seeds of change.”  Steve Maraboli

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.   Socrates

If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.  Fay Weldon

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how.  The moment you know how, you begin to die a little.  The artist never entirely knows.  We guess.  We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.  Agnes de Mille

Flow With Change

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I unexpectedly obtained a job for which I had applied almost one year earlier.  It had taken so long to manifest that I accepted what I called my bridge job, something to hold me over until I could figure out my next step.  While on the bridge job, I realized that I was repeating my old pattern: doing whatever in order to make money.  My heart said to me, “I am tired of doing this.  I deeply want [a list of intangibles].”

Almost instantly, the long-delayed job came through.  I immediately left my bridge job and began the new one the next day.  I felt as though this was fate, God sent, and what I was meant to do.

The new job did not match my expectations at all.

Unbeknownst to me, my supervisors looked at my skill set and decided that I could perform duties that were needed, but not funded under the advertised position.  My role was based upon a need that had nothing to do with what I thought the job entailed.  My supervisors saw something in me that I didn’t even see in myself and thought that I would be perfect for the undefined placement.

My new job was filled with a lot of uncertainty.  It presented entirely new situations with entirely new types of people.

On the outside looking in, I thought, “I can do this.”  Once I got into my new position, the uncertainty made me doubt myself.  My role was not well defined.  Each day I didn’t know what to expect.  Throughout each day, I could be at one place performing certain tasks and I would suddenly be called to go to another location and do something entirely different.

Most of the time, I tried to live up to this unknown thing about me that other people saw.  I tried to live up to their vision.  On the other hand, I was very uncomfortable because my previous positions have been fairly predictable.  I like that.  In my new position, I often had no clue of what to do.  There was no training.  I dealt with each situation as it came up.  Each day I learned something fresh.  I acted on instinct.  I made mistakes.  I don’t like making mistakes.

Even in positions that I didn’t particularly like, I always had certainty.  I knew what was expected of me.  If I hadn’t done it before, I had done something like it and could figure out what was needed and get it done.  In this job, I was in a whole new world.

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