Retraining the Mind

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Retraining the Mind

I repeatedly refer to The Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith.  Whenever I feel that I am not sufficiently progressing towards the spiritual awareness I desire, I find passages that let me know that I am being judgmental and self-condemning.  Enlightenment is not a static condition, a place where you arrive and remain in eternity.  Life in all its forms ebbs and flows, dies and is resurrected.  The nature of existence is change.

Joel Goldsmith states: “Spiritual illumination may be attained by living constantly in the consciousness of the presence of perfection, by the continual translation of the visible picture into the reality.  We are being faced with discordant appearances all through our days and nights, and these must immediately be translated through our understanding of the ‘new tongue,’ the language of Spirit.

Translate the pictures and incidents of daily existence into the new tongue, the language of Spirit, and consciousness will expand until translation occurs without even taking thought.  It becomes a habitual state of consciousness, a constant awareness of Truth.”

Many mornings, I wake up worried about my finances.  How will I pay my bills this month?  It is challenging to keep my mind stayed on Reality and not be distracted by the Illusion of my daily visible pictures.  Utilizing various tools, I analogize a given situation to the suggestion for monitoring alcohol consumption at a party: one glass of water to one glass of wine.  As I worry, I replace anxious thoughts with exercising, reading, listening to inspirational music, writing, meditating, or stating a mantra “This isn’t my Reality” or “As the Principle of Supply in action, it is impossible for me to have any needs or unfulfilled desires.”  The latter is taken from The Abundance Book by John Randolph Price.

Worrying can become so constant that it becomes an unconscious normal state of mind.  Thus, I have to incorporate new habits of thinking throughout the day with every activity.  While driving, when I think my car is overdue for maintenance that I can’t afford, I switch to giving thanks that my car is still running, getting me to and from where I need and desire to go.  As I walk, instead of focusing on all of the undone items on my to-do list, I am thankful that I am able to walk unassisted.  I revel in the beauty that surrounds me.  Thank God for my sight!  When I hear a song, I think of happy memories associated with it.  I change the station if a song is not pleasing to me.

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Want and Decide to Change

I live in a neighborhood where music, often loudly played, expresses violence, cursing, and misogyny as life’s normality.  It is blasted by young boys on bicycles with attached speaker trailers, cars zooming down or parked on my residential street, or people in their homes, blasting the music for everyone within a two block radius to hear.

Listening to my personal music collection gives me hope and inspiration or makes me dance with glee until I realize that I am no longer the twenty-something who could move my body non-stop until the wee hours of the morning.  Sometimes, positive phrases from my songs’ lyrics pop up without command when I’m in a tough situation.  I wonder what pops up in the minds of those who listen to gangsta rap or other music, games, videos, or other media that promote chaos instead of peace.

Although I cannot prove a connection, I witness behavior and speech that appears to match the music played publicly in my neighborhood.  The other day, I was pulling weeds from my yard.  A man walked by and told me that I was working too hard.  He suggested that I just “set fire to it.”

A death on the block caused the entire street to be completely taken over for a couple of weeks by people coming to pay their respects.  They blocked driveways, double parked, opened car trunks that became open bars.  They ate, drank, smoked, and openly sold or exchanged drugs.  Kids ran and played like they were at a county fair, picking up bottles of alcohol like toys, using the contents to water lawns that weren’t theirs.  Trash was left in the street and on private property.  The aforementioned loud music was played until well after dark, when the police finally showed up to shut the partying down.

None of this is seen as abnormal or disrespectful.  Residents’ rights or comfort are not considered.  Requests to move cars and pick up trash and bottles are met with hostility.  I think the music affirms and supports a generational culture of thinking and behavior that feeds dysfunction, limitation, crime, and mental, physical, emotional, and social dis-ease.  This is how some people live.  This is how they like to live and how they are comfortable living.  And all of the laws and government programs trying to address racism, income and other inequality, health care, crime, and whoever’s life matters will have a short-term impact until whatever is going on inside of people is transformed, especially as regards the children.

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Experiencing Illusion

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My meditation this morning focused on seeing light everywhere.  I was trying to reconcile this statement with my not wanting to be around negative people.  Why do I not see their light?  Why can I not disregard what I see and hear?  Why is my light not bright enough to dispel darkness?  I decided that I’m just not “there” yet.

Towards the end of my meditation, I perceived that negativity is an illusion.  It seems real.  However, as I grow and begin to reflect upon my inner self that is externally expressing, the illusions begin to disappear.  My ego mind may decide not to be around someone or to eat harmful substances.  It may want to be around light or peace or joy or to be more happy and less angry.

In reality, I am coming into awareness of and in accordance with my True Self.  All else – judgment, categorizing perception – is fading away.  I exist.  I observe.  I am beginning to realize that I am not hurting anyone, nor are they hurting me.  Whatever is going on is a perception formulated through the prism of my mind and that of another.  Each and every one of us exists within our own personal reality, which is within a larger Reality.  We are seeing and experiencing what we are ready and able to see and experience.

My feeling that I am around negativity is actually an attachment to what is not real at this point.  It is me not yet being able to express my truest Self, my authentic Self and, therefore, remaining in darkness because my material mind says that I must be attached to my loved ones, my job, my house, my whatever, instead of simply existing in the Essence that expresses itself as form and substance, but is itself not.

All that I hold dear – abundance, health, security, love – is already me, is already available at all times to me.  It does not come and go or diminish or increase.  Therefore, I don’t need to hold onto what or who I think will give these to me.  I don’t need to believe that I am the provider of these to others.  They have already what they hold dear.  If others express anger towards me because of what they perceive that I am not giving to them, I don’t need to feel guilty or match their emotion. I need simply to become aware that they are experiencing an illusion.  They are not aware of the infinity that is instantly and constantly available to them and so they must project that feeling of lack outward.

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Awareness of Your True Passion

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For a long time, my life felt like I was in the movie Groundhog’s Day, where a man finds himself living the same day over and over again.  I felt like I was in a forest trying to get out and kept ending up at the same tree from which I started.  I continuously kept going round and round in a circle until I decided to change me.  I began to focus on changing my perceptions and behavior instead of blaming “them” and reflecting on how “they” should be.  I began the life-long process of refining and molding myself into what I wanted to see in others and in my life.

More frequently, I recognize how I can better speak and react.  After tense interactions, I ask myself, “Were my words and actions loving and compassionate in the face of unfairness and harshness?  Did I maintain composure and a steadfastness of being centered in my internal peace and joy?  Am I even aware of and, therefore, capable of expressing my internal peace and joy?”  Often, the answer is still no; but, I am increasing my self awareness.  At least I have a clue as to what I need to work on.  I’m not yet out of the forest, but I haven’t seen that tree in awhile.

I now re-define “obstacles” and “failures” as opportunities to evolve.  In athletic pursuits, we know that, to become more skillful, we must practice consistently and work on techniques.  Developing our inner selves takes the same commitment and perseverance.  I commit myself to that strategy.

You may find that your perceived setbacks were actually building blocks that form the foundation of a life that is more in line with your nature than your notions.

For example, sometimes what you believe to be your passion may not manifest according to your exact vision.  If you change your perspective and become open and receptive to what is currently unknown, you could find yourself moving with greater speed and clarity towards your destiny.

I want to be a successful writer.  However, as I review my primary activities past and present, I see that that I have repeatedly pursued opportunities to increase my knowledge of the Essence of Life.  I obtained a masters degree in theology, not a masters in fine arts with an emphasis in writing.  I continue to study religions and various Eastern philosophies.  I practice yoga.  I attend workshops and seminars on opening oneself to Universal Energy.  Today, I recognize that my writing is not my primary goal.  It is one expression of my journey on the Path towards knowing the Infinity of my Self.

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Be Aware of Distractions

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In the process of moving toward your passion, be aware of distractions, which can be a way of dealing with fear.

Fear of success is usually not conscious.  Obviously, most of us want to be successful.  However, our minds and bodies respond to fear, even that of which we are not consciously aware.  Therefore, we must become aware of obstacles that are self-imposed.

One subconscious fear may be that your life will change if you are successful.  Even though you want to be more, you know the characteristics and boundaries of where you are.  The unknown is usually feared.  Most of us do not want to go out of our comfort zones, even as we clearly and emphatically don’t want to be there and would not call “there” comfortable.  But if you are not content where you are and you are not actively taking steps to change your situation, then you have to examine why.

Societal norms don’t encourage us to take the time to reflect and to really look at ourselves and our lives.  We don’t listen to our inner voices anymore.  We don’t respond to our gut feelings; therefore, our guts stop guiding us.  They stop warning us when we are going astray.  Fear can keep you from moving forward into uncertainty.  It will keep you right where you are and prevent you from making a first step or that next step.  Right now, you may have enough to survive.  You tell yourself that you’ll wait until you have a safety net to take that leap of faith towards your destiny.

We rationalize our acceptance of the status quo: “I am not stressed. I’m fine.  Everything is fine.”  “Doctors say two drinks per day are ok.”  “I need this job.  I have loans, a mortgage, bills, tuition, my car, shopping, my hair, nails, the kids’ soccer games.”  “I know I need to lose weight, but I’m too busy to exercise or cook healthy foods.”  “My job requires me to travel a lot.  I have to eat out all of the time.”  “I don’t have time for relationships/ kids / vacations.”  “When I retire, when I quit this job, when the kids are out of the house, when I don’t have to take care of my parents, when the easier future comes, then I’ll . . .”

You may take the steps toward your passion, but discover that certain friends and associates want to use your motivating energy to support their needs and desires.  Because you like the company of friends and family and you want to help and be a good example, you change your schedule, your consistency, and your style to adjust to theirs.  You don’t feel comfortable saying no or “I’ll address that concern tomorrow or next week when I have time.”  The next thing you know, you’re not progressing.  You diverge from your planned routine.  You lose your momentum and your direction.

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Are We Blind?

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I had recurring dreams, the interpretations of which repeatedly stated that I “was not seeing what was before me.”  I was confounded, sad, and confused.  What was I not seeing?  I couldn’t figure it out.

The memory of these dreams re-surfaced when I was around people who, in my view, clearly were not seeing what was very apparent to me.  I saw myself in them.  I was so dismayed by the message my dreams were sending me that I had a strong desire to become aware of what I wasn’t seeing.  I wanted to cure my blindness.

In my quest, I read, listened, meditated, attended workshops and seminars, and saw a therapist.  I had no proof that any of this would help me to see, but I was willing to try anything.  I was open to whatever was available that might open my eyes, my ears, my heart, and my mind and allow me to see the clear manifestation of reality.

Most people are adamant that they perceive the reality of what is before them.  They become angry if another interpretation is presented.  This anger disguises a lack of openness.  It is a tell-tell sign of resistance to knowing truth.  One can disagree with the expressed opinion of another.  However, an intense emotional reaction to that expression indicates that an arrow has hit its mark.

For example, someone might say with concern, “You look tired all of the time.”  Perhaps the comment could have been more skillfully made; however, you blow up and scream, “Why are you always so critical?”  You could have laughed it off.  Your response may indicate that you believe there is something about you that is worth criticizing.

When I react with intense emotion, I ask myself, “what is the truth within me that my reaction is pointing to?”  I may need to develop better ways to react to my stress and that of others.  How can I stay calm in the midst of turmoil?  What techniques can I learn and practice to enhance my inner and outer peace?

Sometimes the issues are deeper.  Many of us don’t want to evolve.  We don’t even recognize our resistance to growth.  Human beings have an inherent need to move beyond our present circumstances.  The inability to do so expresses itself in unconscious mannerisms – commenting enviously on the upward mobility of others, sensitivity to benign comments, irritation at inconsequential incidents, general feelings of discontent with no known reason, mental and physical fatigue, and the aforementioned intense emotional reaction.

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Following Your Passion 1

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The path leading to your desires is not always clear.  How do we even find our passion?  Even if the passion is identified, the road may be full of twists, turns, and obstacles.  How do we keep going?  How do we persevere?

The phrase “follow your passion” is like the goal of “being happy.”  It is an intangible that has no clear guideline for how to achieve it.  It is the “how” that challenges most of us when we think about the intangibles of life.  We want to love what we do.  We want peace, joy, contentment, love, and success – and we want it now.  But, becoming anything is a process.  It takes adherence to techniques, to the development of skills, to retraining the mind.  Some would say that our consciousness needs to change.

Because of life’s stresses, we may not remember what it feels like to have passion.  Neverending obligations and responsibilities form the content of our days.  We have an idea of what we would like to do, but take no steps toward implementing it.  Is it because we have become fearful of trying new things?  Is it because we can’t foresee instant results?  That’s what a j-o-b brings.  We are conditioned to get a paycheck every two weeks.  When pursuing our passions, we might not see “success” for years, especially if “success” is defined as money, recognition, or status.

“Following your passion” is generally associated with making money.  Numerous self-help books tell us that we should be able to make money by doing something about which we are passionate.  This focus on compensation may blind us to what is inherently joyful.  We will constantly think, “How will I make money from this?” instead of “I love doing this so much, I want to do it as often and as much as I can.”

To identify our passions, it may help to remember our childhoods.  When I was in high school, I held almost every student government position.  I volunteered in various areas of community service.  It was a natural progression for me to choose to work in a congressional office as a college intern.  This turned into a full time job that I totally loved.  At no point prior to that employment did I think, “My perfect job would be to work in Congress” or “I am passionate about politics.”

I organically evolved into that position as a result of participating in activities that I totally enjoyed.  My interests led me to endeavors that ultimately led to a paid position.  My beloved first job exposed me to new passions, which encouraged me to venture into new and uncertain environments.

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Improve Your Technique

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When I have time to fully devote myself to a spiritual path, I become financially destitute.  When I work, I become so exhausted and stressed that I don’t pursue a spiritual practice.  I become mentally and physically depleted and unhealthy. This seesawing back and forth seems endless.  I need to make money; yet, I haven’t been able to make it in a way that is nourishing and honoring to me and others.

This morning, during swim team, I did speed intervals.  After the first set of three timed swims, I was exhausted.  I came in even on the second swim; then lost two seconds on the third.  During the second set, I decided not to focus on speed, just technique.  I felt that I wasn’t going very fast.  I wasn’t using much effort.  Yet, I came in 2 seconds faster than my best time in the first set even though I thought I was swimming more slowly.

I told my coach, “This doesn’t make sense.  How can I go faster by swimming more slowly?”  He responded, “When your body is streamlined, you diminish your drag and go through the water more quickly with less effort.”  By the last swim of the third set, I beat my time by four seconds!  This was amazing because I wasn’t killing myself trying to go faster.

As with swimming, struggling to manifest income is creating a drag.  I must relax and focus on my technique.  I am practicing tapping into the Universal Consciousness that has abundance flowing to me without my having to struggle for it.  I don’t want to exhaust myself anymore.  When I tie into the Universal Consciousness, I receive communication according to my capacity and in a language that is understandable to me at that present time.

Improvement involves practice.  When I am learning a better technique, swimming is not as enjoyable.  It is tiring.  My muscles are weak in the new ways in which I want them to work.  My body and my brain want to return to the old ways.  It’s easier to do as I have always done.  Sometimes I don’t want to go to swim team and listen to my coaches encourage me to change.  Change is hard.

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A Passionate Life

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I identified very strongly with the Grey’s Anatomy character Christina Yang.  She always chose herself, except within the first three seasons when she chose Dr. Burke.  But that was because she admired him.  Although a junior resident, he gave her special opportunities to learn advanced heart surgery skills.  He provided a path to her continued expansion.  More importantly, Burke was like Christina.  He had a passion for infinite growth.  He had confidence.  He took risks.  He was exceedingly skilled and knowledgeable.  Christina couldn’t help but love him.  He was a male her.

The difference between me and Christina is that I didn’t identify within me something about which I was so passionate that I would give up everything.  My passions were externally focused.  I sacrificed all for my jobs, my family, and my mom.

Because my passions were for other than me, my efforts frequently ended in disappointment.  I facilitated the needs and desires of others.  Yes, I enjoyed what I did and gave; but, my accomplishments ultimately benefited them more than me, which was predictable because I supported their dreams and goals.

Grey’s Anatomy was the first television series in which a key character left and I wasn’t mad at the producers and writers.  The season of Christina’s departure explored all of the possible life-changing scenarios that Christina could have chosen.  The one that I wanted for her was to stay with Owen and have babies.  In her vision of this choice, she was pregnant with their second child.  Owen was immensely happy while she regretted giving up the possibility of her greatness as a world-renowned surgeon.

Every possible ending that fans would have wished for Christina involved her compromising her passion and dreams for herself.  In each, she was happy for and pleasing to others, but unfulfilled and unaccomplished in the ultimate manifestation of her gift.

In the season finale, Christina was offered and chose a position that allowed her to be unlimited in her potential.  Importantly, it also showed how much she knowingly gave up – proximity to the man she loved, her best friends, and the opportunity to be reasonably successful in an environment surrounded by supportive co-workers.  She could have settled and been beyond ok by most standards.  Instead, she chose to reach for the stars and follow her unflinching passion.

Christina chose the means and opportunity for limitless mobility.  She chose the power to determine and actualize her destiny.  That is my desire for myself.

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No Rhyme or Reason

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I am moving closer to my goal of letting go and letting life because I don’t see any rational reason for recent occurrences.  The artist Prince died and there doesn’t seem to be an acceptable reason for his premature death, or for the passing on of many others who provided much joy, inspiration, and innovation to the world.  Prince was a genius, a philanthropist, and a supporter of just causes.  He didn’t seem to have any type of psychosis or mental issues.  He performed up to the time of his sudden death.  He was a good person.  Why did he leave this realm to which he so positively contributed?

Two days after Prince died, I went to the memorial service of an associate.  She lived a wonderful, spiritual, and giving life.  She was very well loved by everyone.  She appeared to have everything and lived “right.”  Why her?

I look at Steve Jobs.  All of his money, status, and technology couldn’t save his life.  Why?  Wouldn’t the world continue to benefit by his presence?  There are people who abuse their bodies and/or other people every single day.  Defying all odds and statistics, they live long and sometimes prosperous lives.  Sometimes, I think that Earth is hell and the ones left behind haven’t done whatever we’re supposed to do to make it out.  That theory doesn’t make sense, however, because many people are living joyful and fulfilled lives in this here and now.

I look at people whose lives I might have chosen for myself.  I think, “their lives are so great.”  Then I learn that they are going through life challenges that I couldn’t imagine bearing.  Maybe they lost their homes, loved ones, and every single thing they own in a fire, earthquake, tornado, landslide or war.

Some people have financial abundance, but undergo health challenges.  I have to accept that I don’t know why things happen.  There doesn’t seem to be anything that one can do to avoid suffering.  You can be this great wonderful person who everybody loves.  You can be a genius.  You can be a zillionaire and still have insecurities and childhood issues that you can’t seem to resolve.

I’ve been around long enough to see that there isn’t a simple explanation.  There isn’t an answer that says if you do “this,” you will have an absolutely perfect, pain free, and struggle free life.

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