Category Archives: Going Around in Circles Series

Are You on a Treadmill?

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treadmill publicdomain

Sometimes we get on a treadmill and can’t imagine how to get off.  We don’t even know that we should get off.  A lot of it has to do with our family/religious/societal conditioning.  Most of us are not living according to our own true nature.  We have incorporated time-honored tenets into our day-to-day living:

  • “You don’t get anything worth having without struggle and hard work.”
  • “You always need to be busy and productive.  Doing nothing is unproductive and will lead to ruin and disaster.”
  • “Taking time for and giving to yourself is selfish.  You must always be doing something that gives to others and puts something back into society.”

Most of us have never been taught to look within and discover ourselves, to discover our needs and desires separate from those imposed upon us by our parents, our neighborhood and community, our ethnicity, our church, and any other status external to our own individualized inner being, which is the essence of who and what we are.

At a very young age, we are given a plan that is responsive to entities outside of ourselves: go to school, mind (or kiss up to) the teacher, and make good grades in order to go to college and get a good job.  The instinctual reliance by children on their intuition and on their feelings is gradually replaced by the need to please, to fit in, or to accomplish.  Always becoming, never just being.  Knowledge is for the purpose of becoming a lawyer, a doctor, something more than the parents, something to give the child the “advantages” of life.

Knowledge is not advocated simply for the sake of knowing and learning to be more aware of where and what you are right now.  Knowledge is not taught as a way to productively and consciously manipulate a universe that consistently responds to our every nuance.

Societal circumstances cause many adults to relinquish their dreams and give into a conditioned reality.  It becomes too hard to “fight the power.”  Many parents are trying to grow up themselves.  Not being taught to search within for answers, some turn to alcohol, drugs, sex, work, and dependencies on other people to find solace and satisfaction.  This behavior is then passed on to the next generation until someone decides to stop the cycle and find another way.

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Awareness of Your True Passion

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For a long time, my life felt like I was in the movie Groundhog’s Day, where a man finds himself living the same day over and over again.  I felt like I was in a forest trying to get out and kept ending up at the same tree from which I started.  I continuously kept going round and round in a circle until I decided to change me.  I began to focus on changing my perceptions and behavior instead of blaming “them” and reflecting on how “they” should be.  I began the life-long process of refining and molding myself into what I wanted to see in others and in my life.

More frequently, I recognize how I can better speak and react.  After tense interactions, I ask myself, “Were my words and actions loving and compassionate in the face of unfairness and harshness?  Did I maintain composure and a steadfastness of being centered in my internal peace and joy?  Am I even aware of and, therefore, capable of expressing my internal peace and joy?”  Often, the answer is still no; but, I am increasing my self awareness.  At least I have a clue as to what I need to work on.  I’m not yet out of the forest, but I haven’t seen that tree in awhile.

I now re-define “obstacles” and “failures” as opportunities to evolve.  In athletic pursuits, we know that, to become more skillful, we must practice consistently and work on techniques.  Developing our inner selves takes the same commitment and perseverance.  I commit myself to that strategy.

You may find that your perceived setbacks were actually building blocks that form the foundation of a life that is more in line with your nature than your notions.

For example, sometimes what you believe to be your passion may not manifest according to your exact vision.  If you change your perspective and become open and receptive to what is currently unknown, you could find yourself moving with greater speed and clarity towards your destiny.

I want to be a successful writer.  However, as I review my primary activities past and present, I see that that I have repeatedly pursued opportunities to increase my knowledge of the Essence of Life.  I obtained a masters degree in theology, not a masters in fine arts with an emphasis in writing.  I continue to study religions and various Eastern philosophies.  I practice yoga.  I attend workshops and seminars on opening oneself to Universal Energy.  Today, I recognize that my writing is not my primary goal.  It is one expression of my journey on the Path towards knowing the Infinity of my Self.

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Patience

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Patience deviantart

In my guided meditation this morning, I focused on the statements: “My True Self is all that I hold dear.  I AM my mother, my father, my best friend.  I AM health and abundance.”  I have meditated on these before, but today I felt their truth more intensely.  I felt, “I AM that which I seek.”

My logical mind intruded and said, “Well, where are they? Why don’t you have them?”  As usual, it argued with itself, saying “I can walk and see.  I have enough to eat” and then, “You don’t have self-sufficiency.  You don’t have all of the money that you need to live as you would like, to be debt-free, to travel, to live without anxiety.”  Monkey mind.  I refocused on my breath and my statements.

A thought came through: “That is like the sea saying ‘’where is the water?’ or the sky saying ‘I don’t have enough air!'”

Hmmm . . .  I resettled into the silence of my meditation, again feeling that I AM.

I sat long in my meditation because my energy and emotions were low.  Things aren’t happening within my desired time frame.  I have high periods during which unexpected great things happen, after which there seems to be no momentum.  I continue to climb up a mountain with no apparent summit.  I get tired and discouraged, wondering when am I going to reach my destination.  Yes, I mentally understand that the joy is in the journey, but right now I’m not feeling it.

During these times, I know that I need to tap into my Inner Self, so that my direction and purpose become more clear.  As I sat in silence, I remembered that, when I was young, I followed my heart and it seemed as though doors easily opened and opportunities in my best interests presented themselves.  I didn’t need to feel secure before I jumped.  I moved from California to New Jersey with my plants, stereo, and $800.  Now, I hesitate to spend $2,000, worried about what will come in next month.  I sleep with the windows closed, suffocating in a hot house, scared that someone might climb in and attack me.

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The Revelation

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The Revelation

Years ago, I began my meditation with the question, “What is life?” I then asked, “What is?”  I began concentrating on the senses that I am not aware of, encouraging them to be expressed in my awareness, feeling them, being aware of using them, being them.  A question came into my mind: “What is my true essence?”  No answer came and I ended that day’s meditation, but continued to use this question as a focus in my subsequent meditations.

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Groundhog Day

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Groundhog Day movie poster en.wikipedia

Yesterday, I read my horoscope and the movie Groundhog Day was mentioned in such a positive way that I went out and rented the movie. Surprisingly, I found it totally related to my current life. I laughed and cried throughout.

The Bill Murray character, Phil Connors, was bored with life; but, he blamed his state of affairs on other people. Others were to blame for his inability to get a better job and better assignments. People were morons. When he realized that he was living the same day over and over, he started using people, stealing, and otherwise taking advantage of the fact that he knew what was going to happen.

Over time, this got tiring so he tried to kill himself. Here I started crying, realizing that I have also wanted to end my life. But, every day, over and over, Phil Connors experienced his suicide attempts until he realized the fruitlessness of his endeavors. Finally, he started to see things differently. He started to see the beauty in life and how nice people were. He started changing himself.

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