In my guided meditation this morning, I focused on the statements: “My True Self is all that I hold dear. I AM my mother, my father, my best friend. I AM health and abundance.” I have meditated on these before, but today I felt their truth more intensely. I felt, “I AM that which I seek.”
My logical mind intruded and said, “Well, where are they? Why don’t you have them?” As usual, it argued with itself, saying “I can walk and see. I have enough to eat” and then, “You don’t have self-sufficiency. You don’t have all of the money that you need to live as you would like, to be debt-free, to travel, to live without anxiety.” Monkey mind. I refocused on my breath and my statements.
A thought came through: “That is like the sea saying ‘’where is the water?’ or the sky saying ‘I don’t have enough air!'”
Hmmm . . . I resettled into the silence of my meditation, again feeling that I AM.
I sat long in my meditation because my energy and emotions were low. Things aren’t happening within my desired time frame. I have high periods during which unexpected great things happen, after which there seems to be no momentum. I continue to climb up a mountain with no apparent summit. I get tired and discouraged, wondering when am I going to reach my destination. Yes, I mentally understand that the joy is in the journey, but right now I’m not feeling it.
During these times, I know that I need to tap into my Inner Self, so that my direction and purpose become more clear. As I sat in silence, I remembered that, when I was young, I followed my heart and it seemed as though doors easily opened and opportunities in my best interests presented themselves. I didn’t need to feel secure before I jumped. I moved from California to New Jersey with my plants, stereo, and $800. Now, I hesitate to spend $2,000, worried about what will come in next month. I sleep with the windows closed, suffocating in a hot house, scared that someone might climb in and attack me.