Tag Archives: me

Goodbye and Hello

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On New Year’s Eve 2016, I decided that, in 2017, I would choose me.  I would choose what I want in my life and what I want to do – as opposed to doing what is expected of me.  On New Year’s Day 2017, with purposeful intention, I opened my mind, my heart, and my soul to Flow.  I resolved to get along with people, to not react and respond to what I perceive as negativity, and to learn to see the light in myself and everyone else.

On the last day of 2016, I outlined life changes that I would work on in 2017.  I would strive to be positive and cooperative.  I would let go of how others treated me, what they didn’t give me, or what they could have or should have done.  I accepted that I have the power to change my life and that there is no power that has yet been born that can take away my joy.

More importantly, I saw myself moving forward by any positive and productive means necessary.  Sometimes, we won’t leave our neighborhoods, cities, loved ones, jobs or other comfort zones – no matter how draining or miserable – because of cultural norms, family ties, love, financial dependence, fear of being alone, obligation, and any number of reasons.

I am around many people who live health-based lives.  I am also close to those who chose to live in unhealthy ways and are in denial of the realities and consequences of their actions and ways of thinking and being.  I completely understand the latter because it has been extremely hard to look in my mirror and face the ways in which I have contributed to all aspects of my existence.  Regardless of how I believe that I have been treated and how unfair and wrong the externals in my life have been, I could have reacted differently, knowing that I am complete and whole, and that nothing can stop me from receiving what is for me.

Sometimes, being understanding, supportive, and committed can keep you from your destiny.  When your fullest potential is unrealized, maybe it’s time to step back and away from where you’re placing your primary efforts.  As for me, I got tired of living on the side of a cliff and decided to get off.  Whatever it takes, whoever and whatever I have to leave, I am moving forward, onward and upward.

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Loving Me

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Self Love theblacktribute

I was listening to Stranger in My House, sung by Tamia.  I have listened to this song countless times.  It talks about her lover who has changed so much that she no longer recognizes him.  This day, I heard words that I had not previously perceived, perhaps because my consciousness was receptive:

Could it be that the stranger is me?
Have I changed so drastically?
Is it I want more for me and you’ve remained the same?
Took awhile to figure out.

 

I started crying.  It’s me, not them!  I’ve changed.

The Universe is aligning and matching me with the value that I have placed on myself.   It is impossible for me to be involved with anything that is not compatible with my vibrational level.  I keep getting upset because some people are treating me differently.  We’re no longer as close as we used to be.  We’re having more conflict.  Maybe they’re treating me the same, but I’ve grown.  I’m new.  I’m not the person that I was.  I’m the stranger and they are behaving as they would with the former me and my new me no longer finds that acceptable.

I have begun to love myself not because of how I look or what I possess or what I’ve accomplished or because others say that they love me.  I love me because I AM ME!  I tell myself, “I love you. I love you.”  I remember how lovingly I renovated my mom’s house because I loved her.  I wanted her to be happy.  Her joy fulfilled me.  Well, I now love me.  I want me to be happy because of my joy.  How can I create love, how can I love others, how can I manifest anything positive if I don’t love me first?  As I have done for others, I need to do for me.

My love of me does not depend on whether or not others love me.  Valuing my worth has nothing to do with anyone.  It has everything to do with me.  I am going to be strong in this knowledge.  I need to shower every fear and every thought of lack and limitation with love.  I need to love all aspects of my life.

Our self-love is so dependent upon external factors: how we are raised or treated by family, friends, others; our financial status, our profession, our sense of security.  Adults commonly don’t feel self-love “just because.”  Just because we exist.  Just because we are awake.  Can we love ourselves for no reason at all?

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Thou Shall Not Covet

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Covet flickr

In February 2015, I created Ancient Seeker.  I felt such a sense of accomplishment.  It was something that I had wanted to do for years.  I enjoy writing and re-reading my posts and inserting inspirational items on my GospelLinks and PathLinks pages.  Ancient Seeker represents me – not the worker bee me or the parts of me that I present to different people depending upon their relationship to me.  Ancient Seeker exposes the vulnerable me, the flawed me, the hopeful me, and my journey towards becoming an evolved self.

I was very happy until . . .

I read about a woman who started her own church, has written books, and is a nationally-known inspirational speaker.  I knew this woman.  We took classes together.  I remembered when she started giving seminars to small groups of people.  Now look at her!  Immediately, I began to judge myself.  “What is wrong with you?  What are you doing?  Look at what she has done with her life!  The two of you started out together.  Now she’s well-known and successful and you’re nothing!”

OMG!  It takes so little to send me down the rabbit hole.  I had to step back and get into observer mode.

I recalled the Biblical commandment not to covet.  In addition to wanting what another has, coveting is a form of self-judgment.  It means that what I have is not enough.  I am inadequate.  It is an affirmation of lack and limitation.  It is also a failure to recognize the infinity of our interconnectedness and interrelationship.  A part of me, expressed as her, has manifested a desire.  At this moment in time, that energy is flowing through her; but, it is the same energy that flows through me and creates according to my abilities, awareness, and consciousness.

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