In February 2015, I created Ancient Seeker. I felt such a sense of accomplishment. It was something that I had wanted to do for years. I enjoy writing and re-reading my posts and inserting inspirational items on my GospelLinks and PathLinks pages. Ancient Seeker represents me – not the worker bee me or the parts of me that I present to different people depending upon their relationship to me. Ancient Seeker exposes the vulnerable me, the flawed me, the hopeful me, and my journey towards becoming an evolved self.
I was very happy until . . .
I read about a woman who started her own church, has written books, and is a nationally-known inspirational speaker. I knew this woman. We took classes together. I remembered when she started giving seminars to small groups of people. Now look at her! Immediately, I began to judge myself. “What is wrong with you? What are you doing? Look at what she has done with her life! The two of you started out together. Now she’s well-known and successful and you’re nothing!”
OMG! It takes so little to send me down the rabbit hole. I had to step back and get into observer mode.
I recalled the Biblical commandment not to covet. In addition to wanting what another has, coveting is a form of self-judgment. It means that what I have is not enough. I am inadequate. It is an affirmation of lack and limitation. It is also a failure to recognize the infinity of our interconnectedness and interrelationship. A part of me, expressed as her, has manifested a desire. At this moment in time, that energy is flowing through her; but, it is the same energy that flows through me and creates according to my abilities, awareness, and consciousness.