Tag Archives: life

Life’s Planks

Posted on by
1

It would have been financially great if I had stayed at one job for 30 years.  Those who retire after 30 years can do a lot because they have time and financial security.  I chose to have incredible experiences throughout my younger years.  I traveled annually to many countries.  I followed what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  I explored different ways of being in a variety of different environments.

At the time, I didn’t consider future stability.  I anticipated that the diversity of my experiences would insure my marketability.  My life was definitely enriched.  I was open and free, able to meet people and go to places on a whim.  I lived in hostels, jumped off of cliffs, went paragliding, explored nude beaches, swam in foreign bodies of water, and danced all night in clubs that might not today allow me entry.  I’m glad that I did those things while I was young and willing.

It’s a trade-off.  Some people have the money, wherewithal, and opportunity to explore and live an adventurous life and retain financial security.  Others accept that this is the life that we chose.  The experience of living life to its fullest was worth the cost.  I don’t know.  I can’t say one way is right or wrong.  It is what it is.

I have led a very interesting life.  It has taught me to be adaptive, which is helping me during this period of uncertainty.  I still complain and have feelings of frustration, fear, and worry.  However, I consider this period as another change, another adjustment.  I know that I will get through it.  I tell myself, “Bear with it.  Be open.  Be receptive.  Flow.  Don’t be judgmental.  Don’t be rigid.  Don’t have fixed expectations.”  It’s an interesting time.

When I was young, I used to watch this cartoon.  A man would walk on a plank and come to its end.  Right when he stepped off, another plank would rise to meet him and he would continue walking.  This happened repeatedly.  That was the only thing that happened in the cartoon.  Being a child, I liked repetition.  I would sit there and watch this man walk off this plank and on to another one over and over again.

Continue reading →

Life After Falling Apart

Posted on by
Reply

Sometimes when things fall apart, they are actually falling into place.  Timber Hawkeye

To be great, you have to go through great things – not just great wins, but great tragedy.  It’s about getting back into the fight no matter how dinged up you get.  As told to Kevin Ross

When you are evolving into a higher self, the road may seem lonely; but, you’re simply shedding the energies that no longer match the frequency of your destiny.  Unknown

The warrior knows that her heartbreak is her map.  It will lead her toward her purpose, her tribe.  Glennon Doyle Melton

Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure.  The Get Down, Ep 1

F.E.A.R. has two meanings: Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. The choice is yours.  Zig Ziglar

Just let go.  Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.   Caroline Myss

Through the Fire

Posted on by
2

Sometimes in order for a life to be rebuilt it has to be torn down and torn apart.

Within a two year period, I lost my mom and my source of income.  I stopped seeing my therapist because I could no longer afford to pay him.  Nevertheless, within six months, I completed and self-published a book that I had been trying to write since 1994.  I resumed my exercise and lost 30 pounds.

Then I broke my foot and was in a boot for seven months, which was an incredibly difficult adjustment.  Yet, my immobility caused me to stop and think.  I could do little else but reflect, meditate, and question what was going on with my life, what I was doing, and what I was going to do.  How many people get the opportunity to do nothing?  This is very critical.  As I wrote in my book, we’re on this treadmill and we don’t want to get off.  We think we can’t get off.  That’s what I thought.  What will happen if I get off of this treadmill?  I was very unhappy.  Yet, I kept going.  I kept doing the same things over and over.

After my mom died, my life seemed to fall apart and I couldn’t figure out how to put it together again.  It was a very intense time.  Even today, I become emotional remembering that period.  But I can look back and I see that what I went through was analogous to a building being demolished.  Anything that I no longer needed in my life disappeared.  Some forms of existence cannot remain if change is going to come.

Therapy began a process of critical and immense change.  That process included many births and deaths, beginnings and endings.  I regained my health.  People and institutions left my life.  I started Ancient Seeker.  I didn’t appreciate much of my journey as I traveled along my tumultuous roads.  Change is not always enjoyable.  It can be very traumatic.  Some people don’t endure great changes.  Their lives go along at the same speed.  I experienced substantial changes that were painful and traumatic.  But I got through them and became aware of the benefits.

Continue reading →

Out of the Abyss

Posted on by
1

Not long ago, my life appeared at a standstill.  I did not seem to be changing or moving at all.  Things were not going as desired.  At times, it seemed as though my life was going backwards.  Yet, something was moving.  Something is always being created.  We are always evolving, despite appearances.

The tangible things that I visualized for myself in the past are not manifesting.  Nevertheless, what is occurring is amazing.  I feel as though blessings are overtaking me, outrunning me.  It’s not like I’ve won a million dollars.  My life is still full of stressful change, financial insecurity, lessons to be learned, and persons performing as I would not.  I am learning much on the run and through the fire.

I am flowing in a very fast river that is going in a direction that I think will benefit me in the long run.  I am observing my very interesting life that is changing daily.  Because I am not choosing the facts of my situation, I am learning to consistently adjust to new circumstances.  This is how my life was when I was young.  I sought newness.  As an older person, however, I must convince myself to stretch, to get out of whatever rut I was in.  Even though I wasn’t in a comfortable rut, I grew accustomed to doing things within the limitations in which I found myself.

Although I wasn’t happy with my bridge job (the one I took to get me to my next step), I was making enough to get through.  Now, I am working full time and making less than I was making at my part-time bridge job; but, it’s an exciting time.  I am working with children.  I’ve always loved being around children.  I learn new things because children are always in the present.  They see the world as it is today, as it is now, not as it will be tomorrow.  They don’t remember yesterday.  I’m learning to deal with children in different ways than the ways in which I was brought up.  This is an extremely intense learning experience.

I’m learning to say yes because this is a new world.  I’m not tying myself to the ways that I think should be.  I’m having to put into practice all of the principles that I have been writing about for the past two years in Ancient Seeker and the ways in which I’ve been trying to grow throughout the last 20 to 30 years.  There is a big difference in intellectually knowing what to do and actually being face to face with a situation or person and having to take a deep breath and dive in and make mistakes and figure out how to do it better the next time.

Continue reading →

Take My Life, Transform It

Posted on by
Reply

Take my heart and mold it
Take my will, conform it
Take my mind, transform it
Holiness is what I long for
Righteousness is what I long for
Brokenness is what I long for
                 Take My Life by Bishop T.D. Jakes

 

For many years, I sang this song, but was silent on the “brokenness” part.  I didn’t relate to this phrase. Who in their right mind would want to be broken?  I surely wasn’t going to speak that into my life.  Yet, now I see how critical being “broken” has been to my transformation.  As long as everything stays the same, there can be no growth.  There can be no remodel or renovation.  Some of us need to be broken down before we can introduce change into our lives.

Sometimes everything has to be torn down and torn apart in order to rebuild to new specifications.  If your life is not changing, that means that you are not changing.

Faced with people and circumstances that cause tension, turmoil, pain, and suffering, I am forced to practice the principles that I assert.  Situations, family, friends, environments, and communities are all classrooms in which I have been placed in order to grow. These comprise my education in life and of human nature.

There is a bigger picture, a broader context of life that cannot be seen by a limited perspective.  Some things can only be seen by looking in the past: but for this, that would not have happened.  At times, solace or explanation cannot be found by looking in the past, present, or future.  We simply must trust the process, the journey, the Master Plan, the Way of the Universe – whatever we choose to call the constant progression of life.

In all of its manifestations, life begins, is, and ends. Physical life has birth, youth, adolescence, adulthood, old age and death.  Embryo to ashes.  Non-physical life undergoes a similar process, but cannot be as easily documented.  A steadfast and persevering tree bends, but remains standing in the midst of blowing winds.  It discards leaves in the fall and winter, and gives birth to new blossoms in the spring.  Yet, the strongest tree can be felled by disease, fire, flood, or other external conditions.

Continue reading →

Commitment Continuity Practice

Posted on by
1

Because of our capacity to expand in many different ways, being static may not always be the most positive state of being.  Yes, we need to rest, reflect, and be thankful for where we are.  Nonetheless, it is good to be aware of our evolutionary nature.  We have innate urges to move, to be fluid, and to flow.  Flowing is not being static.  As we constantly seek ways to evolve, it can be unproductive to become disappointed or upset when we don’t progress at a pace that puts us where we think we ought to be within a certain time period.

We have infinity to get to wherever “there” is.  We mustn’t compare ourselves to others, believing that they’ve got it all together, or that they have accomplished more than we ever will.  We don’t know where they started.  Life is infinite.  S/he could have started in a different lifetime, in another dimension.  Now s/he is at this level, in this body, and is starting from where s/he left off in another time and space.  We cannot judge ourselves based upon our limited perceptions of the external aspects of others’ lives.  People have different goals, intentions, lessons, challenges, and resources that are particular to their personal evolutionary path in this place and in this era.

I sometimes berate myself for having made certain choices in life.  Hindsight is 20/20.  I could have or shouldn’t have done this or that.  Ultimately, I realize that the choices that I made, for better or for worse, made me who, what and where I am today.  But for my experiences, I wouldn’t have developed into my current consciousness and awareness.  Who knows how the dark and light aspects of my past and present have prepared and are setting me up for the next phase of my life?

We’ll get to where we’re going with diligence, commitment, focus, and practice. Continuity is key: continuing to strive and continuing to commit to doing “it” over and over and over again, if necessary, until one day we kind of get “it” and then move on to the next lesson, the next class, the next level, situation, circumstance, and person.

Continue reading →

Perseverance

Posted on by
Reply

I often analogize my life to swimming because I perceive many similarities between the two. For example, during my continued attempts to improve my stroke, I keep hearing the same things over and over from my coaches.  I try to do what I understand them to be saying.  I think I’m actually implementing their guidance.  Yet, I keep hearing “catch-up drill,” which is a signal that I am windmilling, e.g., flailing my arms, or “your hand is still dragging in the water” or “you’re still arching your back.”

I become frustrated because I’m trying my best and I don’t know how I can better perform what they’re telling me to do.  I recognize that my mind knows what to do, but the body is just used to doing things a certain way.  I have to continuously tell my body, “no, do it this way.”  In the beginning, my efforts require much concentration and focus because my body does not want to change.  It wants to continue doing what it has always done.  That’s the easy way.

I particularly forget my technique when I’m in a lane with faster swimmers.  I do whatever it takes to keep up, even if my form is incorrect.  Many nonprofessional swimmers swim faster by sheer strength and effort.  Unfortunately, as we age, we tire more quickly when our body position and strokes are inefficient.

It’s easier to concentrate on my technique when I’m alone and not in a lane where people are pushing me to go faster because they’re behind me or I’m pushing myself to go faster because I want to keep up with those in front of me.  When I’m in a lane by myself, I can focus on my technique.  I can see myself begin to flow.

Life is similar.  When I meditate, participate in a workshop, or have a good yoga session, I can see everything that I’m supposed to do correctly.  I’m at peace.  I determine to keep this feeling, this frame of mind; yet, before lunch, my mind becomes irritated at the things that people do and say.  I know what my proper response should be, but I fall back into my comfortable ways of thinking and reacting.  Try as I might, it often seems as though I’m just not getting it.

Continue reading →

Meditation

Posted on by
Reply

candle-meditation-surian-soosay-flickr

Sleep is the best meditation.  Dalai Lama

We tend to think of meditation in only one way.  But life itself is a meditation.  Raul Julia

Some people awaken spiritually without ever coming into contact with any meditation technique or any spiritual teaching.  They may awaken simply because they can’t take the suffering anymore.   Eckhart Tolle

Meditation makes the entire nervous system go into a field of coherence.  Deepak Chopra

Become slower in your journey through life.  Practice yoga and meditation if you suffer from ‘hurry sickness.’  Become more introspective by visiting quiet places such as churches, museums, mountains and lakes.  Give yourself permission to read at least one novel a month for pleasure.   Wayne Dyer

Meditation is the dissolution of thoughts in Eternal awareness or Pure consciousness without objectification, knowing without thinking, merging finitude in infinity.   Voltaire

Make the Life That You Want to Live

Posted on by
Reply

color-your-life-capture-queen-flickr

I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.   Georgia O’Keefe

The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you.  Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision.  So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.  Neil Gaiman

It’s your place in the world.  It’s your life.  Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.   Mae Jemison

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.   Ferdinand Foch

I have not always chosen the safest path.  I’ve made my mistakes, plenty of them.  I sometimes jump too soon and fail to appreciate the consequences.  But I’ve learned something important along the way: I’ve learned to heed the call of my heart.  I’ve learned that the safest path is not always the best path and I’ve learned that the voice of fear is not always to be trusted.   Steve Goodier

You can get what you want or you can just get old.   Billy Joel

When I quit my second job, my father told me a rolling stone gathers no moss.  I told him, “but a rolling stone gets to places.”  After many years, he agrees with me now.  Dichen ‘Di’ Dicden

Transformation is a Process

Posted on by
4

be-yourself-wikimedia

During this time of transition (which has been ongoing for six years), I have received numerous comments from friends and family about what I could and should be doing to secure income.  The general theme is “you’re not doing all that you could.  You could be doing more.”

Consistent suggestions include: becoming an Uber/Lyft driver, renting out parts of my home, and accepting low-paid clerical positions.  Always, there is an implied criticism that I’m not willing to take positions that I feel are less than my capabilities, qualifications, and potential.  I express what I feel are valid defenses to the well-intended offerings; however, after these conversations, I often feel drained, deficient, guilty, and self-condemning.

To rebalance, I take the time to be still, to meditate, to read and listen to guidance that reflects what I believe and know to be true.  As Joel Goldsmith advised, “unless we are careful to retire often into the sanctuary of our inner being, the stress of daily living will deprive us of the power of the spiritual sense that possesses us.”

I actually like my life.  I don’t relish existing in financial instability.  My truth is that I am in the process of changing.  Thirty years ago, I made a critical decision not to follow my heart’s desire, but to do what seemed more practical at the time.  This led into years of choosing money first and foremost over what would grow me into the person that, at the time, I wanted to be.

I stopped being authentic.  Because I placed myself in environments that were diametrically opposed to my intrinsic nature, I was often surrounded by people with whom I was incompatible.  Tension, conflict, and neverending stress became the norm.

Most people who tell me what I could and should be doing are not themselves leading lives of joy, contentment, and fulfillment.  They are like I used to be: working in conditions that cause them to be mentally and physically unhealthy.  Their jobs allow them to survive, but not thrive.  The acceptable standard is doing whatever is believed to be needed to make it through.

Continue reading →