During this time of transition (which has been ongoing for six years), I have received numerous comments from friends and family about what I could and should be doing to secure income. The general theme is “you’re not doing all that you could. You could be doing more.”
Consistent suggestions include: becoming an Uber/Lyft driver, renting out parts of my home, and accepting low-paid clerical positions. Always, there is an implied criticism that I’m not willing to take positions that I feel are less than my capabilities, qualifications, and potential. I express what I feel are valid defenses to the well-intended offerings; however, after these conversations, I often feel drained, deficient, guilty, and self-condemning.
To rebalance, I take the time to be still, to meditate, to read and listen to guidance that reflects what I believe and know to be true. As Joel Goldsmith advised, “unless we are careful to retire often into the sanctuary of our inner being, the stress of daily living will deprive us of the power of the spiritual sense that possesses us.”
I actually like my life. I don’t relish existing in financial instability. My truth is that I am in the process of changing. Thirty years ago, I made a critical decision not to follow my heart’s desire, but to do what seemed more practical at the time. This led into years of choosing money first and foremost over what would grow me into the person that, at the time, I wanted to be.
I stopped being authentic. Because I placed myself in environments that were diametrically opposed to my intrinsic nature, I was often surrounded by people with whom I was incompatible. Tension, conflict, and neverending stress became the norm.
Most people who tell me what I could and should be doing are not themselves leading lives of joy, contentment, and fulfillment. They are like I used to be: working in conditions that cause them to be mentally and physically unhealthy. Their jobs allow them to survive, but not thrive. The acceptable standard is doing whatever is believed to be needed to make it through.
