Despite my years of study, meditation, affirmations, yoga and workshops, I have not fully internalized the Reality of my being – that I am one with all creation, that I am a powerful co-creator. There are very subtle differences between understanding and applying that comprehension into behavior. There are even more subtleties between knowing and knowing without illusion.
I have knowledge on a conscious level. This intellectual awareness has not yet transformed habits that stem from cultural, societal, familial, and religious influences that are deeply imbedded within my subconscious and still govern my thoughts and behavior.
Experientially, I am unaware of my oneness with God. I know this because my life does not yet match my beliefs about myself. You know how you think you look a certain way; then, you pass a mirror and don’t recognize that person? By seeing my life as the mirror of my consciousness, it is apparent that I continue to experience God as an external source, something outside of me upon which I am dependent. In this perception, God is an enabler, like Santa Claus, an entity to which I express my needs and desires. These wishes are granted if I’ve been good, if it’s my time, if God decides to be gracious, or any number of other variables.
None of these scenarios involve the use of the Power within me to fly, to fish, to walk on water; in other words, I am not yet consciously creating from within. I am not using my own wings to fly. I don’t learn to fish because I believe that I must be fed. I must be provided for. I must be carried, for I cannot walk unaided.