Despite my years of study, meditation, affirmations, yoga and workshops, I have not fully internalized the Reality of my being – that I am one with all creation, that I am a powerful co-creator. There are very subtle differences between understanding and applying that comprehension into behavior. There are even more subtleties between knowing and knowing without illusion.
I have knowledge on a conscious level. This intellectual awareness has not yet transformed habits that stem from cultural, societal, familial, and religious influences that are deeply imbedded within my subconscious and still govern my thoughts and behavior.
Experientially, I am unaware of my oneness with God. I know this because my life does not yet match my beliefs about myself. You know how you think you look a certain way; then, you pass a mirror and don’t recognize that person? By seeing my life as the mirror of my consciousness, it is apparent that I continue to experience God as an external source, something outside of me upon which I am dependent. In this perception, God is an enabler, like Santa Claus, an entity to which I express my needs and desires. These wishes are granted if I’ve been good, if it’s my time, if God decides to be gracious, or any number of other variables.
None of these scenarios involve the use of the Power within me to fly, to fish, to walk on water; in other words, I am not yet consciously creating from within. I am not using my own wings to fly. I don’t learn to fish because I believe that I must be fed. I must be provided for. I must be carried, for I cannot walk unaided.
Subconsciously, I am like a hurricane that comes through and destroys everything in its path, but is unaware that it is the cause of that destruction. If I don’t know, then I can’t take responsibility. I can’t prevent. I don’t accept my contribution.
That’s why I continue to gain, then lose. I repeat cycles of becoming and dying. I have, then I have not. There is no consistency because I don’t see when and how I am creating and destroying. I don’t recognize that I am in control. Instead, I erroneously accept that I am subject to whim and reactive to circumstance.
I am now beginning to internalize that I am a critical component of the creative process. I am a channel through which Creative Energy manifests. When I am unaware of my power and my strength, I create and destroy as if I am sleepwalking through life. I manifest discord and disharmony, even if I simply attract it to me or accept its presence within my realm of control or I sacrificially love him or her or it. In certain religions, sacrifice is seen as worthy, normal, and necessary. Then we wonder why we are stressed from doing so much good.
As I become consciously aware of my active role in all of creation, I am changing my focus from wishing and begging to affirming. I give thanks for what is because I accept that I created it on some level. I acknowledge my power to create. I take responsibility for the pleasant and unpleasant. Creation doesn’t always directly correspond to a picture in my mind. Sometimes, the all-knowing part of me generates what I need to go through in order to be adequately prepared for the manifestations of my dreams and destiny.
In yoga, if your goal is to do headstands, you must first undergo poses to strengthen your arms and shoulders so that you don’t injure your neck, which would otherwise take all of the weight of your upside down body. Life is the same way. If I desire continuous growth towards right expression, I have to consciously learn to think and behave correctly. I have to learn and practice correct discernment and be open to Divine Guidance, which is within me.
The Essence that I am knows all and is all. I am of It. I came into the human body from It. We each and all are one with this Energy, which expresses according to our consciousness. Therefore, we each have information that can be shared verbally, physically, or energetically, depending upon another’s ability and willingness to receive it. We are each other’s instructors.
More often, when I think of need and desire, I remind myself that I am one with Creation. All that exists already is. It may be awaiting my perception. Sometimes I am blind to what stands before me. At other times, I am resistant to knowing. I may not want to change, to grow.
Conception is always occurring whether or not I am metaphorically asleep or awake, and whether I accept or deny. That which does not yet exist is brought into form through me and other channels of Creation.