Category Archives: PathPosts

I Don’t Stand Alone

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Caribbean Art wikipedia

Right before I woke up, I had a dream.  I was in open water, but had gone far out by myself.  I could see other swimmers and the shore.  The water was smooth, no waves.  It was a beautiful day.  Suddenly, a very tall man appeared like a giant standing on the water.  He was fully clothed with black hair and a thin mustache.  He looked at me, sank into the water, and began to drag me down.  I screamed for help over and over.  No one could hear me.  The distance between me and the others was too great.  The man pulled me underwater.  I struggled and tried to kick him, but he was too strong.  My last thought before I woke up was, “I’m going to die.”

In my half-dream, half-awake state, I tried to work out a different ending.  I felt that the dream was an exercise.  Something to teach me.  Re-entering the dream, I imagined all of my ancestors surrounding me.  There were too many to count.  You couldn’t even see the shore.  All you could see was the water between me and the man and my limitless ancestors surrounding us.  Then the man disappeared.  He was an illusion.

All of this could be an effect of watching the movie Amistad before I went to sleep.  As well, as I lay in bed, I asked the question, “How will I resolve my current challenge?”  I felt confident that an answer would await me in the morning.  I fell asleep.

Amistad is a true story about Africans who were captured in 1839, sold to Portuguese slave traders in violation of international law, and sold again in Cuba to Spaniards.  Under the leadership of Sengbe Pieh, later called Cinqué, the Africans led a revolt.  Many shipmen were killed except those necessary to return the ship and its surviving captives to Africa.

Unfortunately, the crew steered the ship towards the Americas where they were intercepted by the U.S. Navy.  The Africans were imprisoned as runaway slaves.  Because of international issues of ownership and jurisdiction, the disposition of the captives was ultimately decided by the U.S. Supreme Court who, after three years, ruled in favor of the Africans who were freed and returned to their homeland.

In the movie, while awaiting the Court’s decision, John Quincy Adams tried to emotionally prepare for an adverse judgment.  Cinqué, responding emphatically, referred to his ancestors:

We won’t be going in there alone.  I will call into the past, far back to the beginning of time, and beg them to come and help me.  At the judgment, I will reach back and draw them into me and they must come.  For, at this moment, I am the whole reason they have existed at all.

Something stirred within me as I felt the profundity of this statement.  They must come, for I am the reason for their existence.

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Ancestral Memories and Agreements

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Nefertiti Fragment Flickr

Is there a memory of failure within you that causes you to believe that, no matter how much you achieve, something will happen to bring you down?  Despite all that you have, do you still need more to satisfy your craving for security?

Each of us chose our particular human embodiment to learn certain lessons in this lifetime.  We hold within and have available to us the experiences of those who came before us.  Past, present, and future are very linear concepts that, given the right environment and conditions, can be experienced and understood in the present moment.

Our minds, on some level, contain all of the memories of all that ever was.  These thoughts may be influencing us in ways in which we are unaware.  They may be preventing us from acknowledging our havingness.

Many of the obstacles blocking an awareness of our havingness are in our subconscious.  One example of a psychic obstacle is an ancestral memory or agreement made prior to birth or conception and usually forgotten.  A pre-birth agreement is the decision by a group of energetic beings to be physically born as family or friends, for example, to assist each other during a lifetime and to grow as a group.  A ready-made spiritual support system was thereby established.  Unfortunately, members of the group may subsequently grow at different rates or move along different paths.

This pre-embodiment energetic agreement can cause some group members to sacrifice their own potential progressions in life and adhere to the level of advancement of the group.  Those members can’t seem to pull away from a family’s destructive or non-productive environment.  Developing a physical distance may not be possible or desirable.  A solution may be to identify and break free of the ancestral agreement.

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How Are You Expressing Your Intent?

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intentions tonywegand deviantart

In 1998, I wrote that “a means to making money in a way that is fulfilling, nurturing, and healing is on its way to me right now.”  In 2015, I read this affirmation and wondered why I had not yet manifested it.  Today, I see very clearly what happened.  I stated a desire, yet pursued its exact opposite.

I had definite ideas about what I wanted to do and ways in which I wanted to develop.  I didn’t follow through because my focus was on making money, not on the means by which I made it. I believed that once I obtained an undefined “enough,” other things would simply fall into place.  Later, I entered into survival mode.  I had needs that I thought couldn’t be met without my salary.  Because I never took steps to implement my dreams, other people’s desires and needs filled that void.  Over the years, I worked overtime handling OPB (other people’s business) at work and in my personal life.

Regardless of what we say we want, our intentions are shown by our actions.  If I say I intend to lose 5 pounds this month, but continue to eat as I’ve always eaten, then my actual intent is to maintain or gain weight.  The doing guides the creative force.

Dreams take a long time to manifest because we don’t change.  We keep doing the same things.  We want different outcomes even as we refuse to do or think differently.  We say that we don’t want to experience [this] anymore.  Nevertheless, we continue to do what we’ve always done, for whatever reason – love, money, fear, wanting to please, perception of an unpleasant outcome, misplaced commitment.

Consider the following:

  • Do you even have an intention?

We all want a lot of things.  We have dislikes or desires: I don’t like this job.  I don’t like living in this neighborhood.  I don’t like people who do this.  I want a better car, a different house.  I want money.  What do we actually intend?  An intent is phrased differently: I intend to pay off my debts.  I intend to have a different job next year.  I intend to get my degree.

If you intend to do something, you can begin to think of certain steps towards its implementation.  An intent makes you focus.  That’s how you can separate a wish from an intent.

Ideas and wishes do not necessarily equal intentions.  Wishes need to be narrowly and clearly defined in order to be considered intentions.  Otherwise, they are simply thoughts being dispersed into the air.

  • Are you cancelling out your intentions?

Are your thoughts 25% peace, but your actions 75% conflict?  Each thought, each spoken word, and each action expresses and sends out energy that causes a reaction.  Are your expressions consistent with your intentions?  Does one cancel out the other?  Are you unhappy with your returns?  Look at your investments.  How are you spending most of your time?  The Universe doesn’t judge or interpret.  It receives and responds.  Is your behavior impeding or supporting your intention?

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Growing Through Loss

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Loss deviantart

Three years ago, I lost my mom.  She lived a long life, but I didn’t have all of her for fourteen years prior to her passing because of Alzheimer’s Disease.  Before that, I lost my sister, my dog, and my dad.  I actually lost my sister many years before she died because she was on drugs and was administered shock treatments in the state mental hospital, which was where they put and how they treated drug users back in the day.  Afterwards, she lost her mind and my sister, the first person that I knew really, truly loved me, became and died as one of the crazy-looking people on the street you try to avoid.  Before that, I lost my aunt and uncle who were like my grandparents.  My real grandfathers died before I was born and my grandmothers passed before I was 12.

When I was in high school, a friend was shot and killed.  Throughout the years, I’ve been through many funerals of neighbors, relatives, associates, and siblings and parents of friends.  My elementary school music teacher passed two weeks ago.  Beyond death and tragedy, people who I thought would always be in my life chose to end our relationship.  I’ve lost jobs, a car, homes that I loved, income, status, my youthful idealism.  At times, I’ve lost myself.

One of my closest friends has had life-threatening health issues for some time.  We have been through so much together, some really crazy, fun times and the painful growth periods that most people go through.  She knows the inside of me, how and why I think.  She’s my sister from another mother.  It’s been very challenging trying to deal with what’s going on with her, especially since we live in different states.  The very selfish thought of potential loss to me is unbearable.  If I allow myself to think of it, I lose my ability to breathe and have to immediately distract myself.

If she is no longer physically in my life, what will I have?  Who will know me like she knows me?  We are supposed to sit on a balcony in our old age, overlooking an ocean, talking about all the stuff we did in our lives, all of the dramas we got through.  With whom will I share the stories that only we know?

But why even think this way? God only knows when her or my time will come.

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Creating New Worlds From Within

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New Era deviantart

We are in the midst of a new era of creation that is revolutionizing ways of life throughout the globe.  The potential of this new era is infinite, fed by imagination and will.

This is an incredible time; but, as with most epic transitions, the changes are both productive and painful.  Many will enter the new era metaphorically handicapped and disabled because they are unable or unwilling to make necessary adjustments.  Many will stick to old patterns of thought and behavior and stand with the sinking ships of old world power.

To embrace the vastness of this evolutionary age, growth in awareness and consciousness is necessary.  It is essential to move beyond racism, sexism, poverty, world disasters, and see the bigger picture.  We have been operating from and reacting to the external for too long.  We have drifted far from our origins, from our Essence, from who and what we truly are.

Societal maladies are symptoms.  They are manifestations of a power within us that is not being utilized constructively.  Many react to this power’s harmful use instead of channeling the power with conscious awareness and loving focus. If we desire true and lasting change, we must stop responding, reacting, and becoming entangled within cycles of discordant thought and behavior.  Our minds and souls distinguish us from animals.  We are higher on the ladder of evolution and, thus, more capable of ascending to the potential that is our gift and destiny.  We can choose to live beyond fighting and killing as a basis for survival.

Many battle the injustices of the world, but don’t struggle against injustice within themselves, which is a source of disharmony among family, friends, neighbors and, ultimately, the world.  What we create on a micro (individual) level effects the macro (global) environment.  If my goal is universal evolution, I need to change myself right now.  I have to stop harboring resentment, anger, and fear.  I must stop being reactive.  Unless we stop the suffering and pain within ourselves, disharmony in the world will endlessly remain.

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Awaken Into Actualization

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train by emily autumn deviantart

I was on a BART train that had come through the bay tunnel, arriving in San Francisco from Oakland.  The train stopped. Signals indicated that it was out of order.  I jumped off with other people trying to catch a train that had just pulled up.  As we rushed onto the second train, a man ran off past us and out of the station.  I grabbed a seat, took a relieved breath, and suddenly noticed that the back of the train was twisted and dented like a stomach that had been hit hard and doubled in.  It was almost as if it had melted and been molded into this shape.

We all stood in shock wondering what had happened.  Then I thought of the man who dashed off of the train.  He knew. Suddenly, I was filled with dread.  Something was about to happen.  Right now.  A train was coming into the station too fast.  An explosion was about to occur.  Whatever had caused the first train to go out of order and this one to be mangled was about to happen again.  Then I woke up.

In my awakened state, I tried to figure out what had happened.  I chided myself for being too hasty.  I didn’t even look at the train until I was within it.  I was tunnel-visioned.  I had to get on that train.  I had to get a seat at any cost.  Had I taken my time, I could have observed the situation and noticed that something was wrong.  I was in shock when I saw the train’s horrible condition.  That shock made me immobile, victim to whatever was coming.

In hindsight, I see that I have conducted most of my life in this way.  I have made hasty decisions and acted upon them.  I wanted something or someone and I focused on getting it or him with no serious thought of the consequences.  I rarely had a plan beyond acquiring my desire.

Dreaming about a train may indicate a choice of a relatively safe, impersonal, or unthreatening path or course of action and the surrender of a certain amount of control to the collective.  That was me.  I went to law school and, after graduation, to a prestigious law firm because this was acceptable and encouraged by society, family, and mentors.  My mother stated that I finally had a real job, even though I had previously been self-sufficient for twelve years in a job that I loved.

Dreams involving accidents commonly occur during stressful times.  Such dreams may also reflect the making of others responsible for what happens in one’s life.  This was definitely a stressful time in my life.  I lost my job, but not my financial obligations.  At the time, I was also caring for my mother who had Alzheimer’s.  I placed my entire focus on obtaining and keeping another job, giving no thought to whether the environment was demeaning or depleting.

In jobs and in relationships, I experienced adversity, which I blamed on the external, the “other.”  I most certainly did not consider that I chose, I decided, or that I was not yet capable of seeing beyond my acquisitions.

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Diamonds and Stones

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Diamonds and Pearls flickr

If offered diamonds, who would take a stone instead?  Yet, that is the choice we make daily.  We see diamonds (a better life, nature’s beauty, love, abundance, friends, loved ones, health).  Yet we consistently select life’s stones, albeit subconsciously.

I asked a woman what she was reading.  She answered that it was a trashy novel that she didn’t like, but her choice of books had been criticized by friends and family as being too bourgeoisie (i.e., she thought she was “better than”).  She chose to fit in, to go along, even if it meant going against her personal preferences.

When I become upset because of others’ opinions of me, I must on some level accept those evaluations.

How many times do we choose to be around people who don’t support and affirm us, who devalue themselves, and accept less than their worth?  Are we often on call for handling OPB (Other People’s Business) while our own houses are crumbling?  Do we say yes when we should be saying no?

Do we choose not to grow into awareness of ourselves and, thus, impede the development of our greatest potential?  Do we believe that we are not worth the often arduous journey of becoming more than we see ourselves?

Many times we accommodate others when convinced that our standards are too high.  We would rather be a sheep than a shepherd.  We settle for less.  We don’t truly believe that we are worthy.  We tell ourselves, “This is the best that I can do, so I’d better hold on tight to my current situation,” instead of taking a risk to try something new.  This mentality metaphorically chooses a stone because it affirms that you can’t possibly deserve a diamond, even if it is possible to attain.

Truly, many are literally oppressed, abused, held back, denied educational and employment opportunities, sick, and disabled.  In many countries, people cannot speak and act freely.  Women don’t have control over their own bodies. Children are forced to participate in wars that they cannot comprehend.  The challenge is to see beyond the cage of our perception of limitation such that we can create a new existence.

The ultimate diamond is to believe that you are free when all sensory signals indicate that you are not.  On every level of known perception and feeling, you experience lack and limitation.  Nevertheless, you somehow believe in an unknown that, once accessed, will free you from all aspects of the prison in which you find yourself.

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GRATITUDE

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Thank You flickr

As 2015 comes to an end, I want to close it out with gratitude.  Thanks above all to Spirit, to God, to the indescribable Presence that is the Essence of my being.  I give thanks for all that has come into and left my life, for I know that it is ALL for my highest good.

I am thankful that I am alive, that I am healthy, that I not only made it, but grew through all of my lessons, obstacles, and pain.  I am infinitely grateful for all of my joys and triumphs, for my loved ones and friends, and for all of the support and encouragement that I have received.

I am thankful that, by the grace of God, I am still in my home.  I have had and still have more than enough to eat.  My utilities work.  My physical challenges are healing.  I am swimming, walking, and practicing yoga. My mediation practice is strong.

This year, I created Ancient Seeker and what a blessing it is.  Although I write the posts, I gain so much by reading and re-reading them.  I am thankful for all of my Google +, Facebook, and Twitter followers and all of the subscribers to my newsletter.  I am so very appreciative of your likes and comments.  Thanks to Elizabeth and Alannah, who got me started on my webpage.

There is so much more that I could express about all of the GOOD that has happened to me this year.  I’ve already written about some of my experiences in my posts.  I want to take ALL of it into 2016 because every single wrong made me appreciate the right.  However I perceived the thorns, flowers, stars, and arrows, they were all lamp posts lighting my way along the path to my greatest potential.

I include within this post the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, GRATEFUL, which is on the Pathlinks page of my website.  I play this song often to remind me of the wonderfulness of my life, however it presents itself in any given moment.  You can click on Pathlinks or GRATEFUL to access the page.

Dear Readers, Happy Whatever You’re Celebrating During This Season!! I look forward to continuing the Ancient Seeker journey with you in the NEW YEAR!!

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For You I Have Provided

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Baby Lilies Flickr

Last year, on Day 13 of Oprah/Deepak’s meditation series, the following question was asked: “How would you feel if you were at peace with the timing of change, knowing it was unfolding at the pace which best serves your highest needs?”  Day 13 was about knowing that the fulfillment of desires happens at the right place and time.

I felt that my right time needed to be right then; but, I tried to stick with the plan.  During my own silent meditation, I focused on the mantra, “I am at peace with God’s plan for me.”  I tried to clear my mind of desperation and fill it with trust and faith.  The next morning, I awoke thinking of the phrase, “Por tu te puesto.”  I had no idea what this meant.  I spent an hour or so searching for the meaning by inserting the phrase into the Internet.

There is no such phrase.  The Internet produced “por tu te he puesto.”  This worked phonetically.  When spoken, “te he” could sound like “te.”  According to Google, this phrase translates to “for I have made you.”  I didn’t comprehend why I woke up thinking of such a phrase.  I decided to make it a mantra in my morning meditation.

Thoughts came that I am to be happy.  God made me.  I am a manifestation of the most high God.  It is my birthright to have my desires fulfilled.

I gave the phrase to my friend who is a Spanish interpreter and translator.  Without knowing the context (and I surely could not provide one), she suggested: “For you I have provided.”  I almost started crying.  In trying to get through my challenging times, I continuously remind myself not to worry, that God is providing.  I just need to have patience.  I don’t know why this phrase came to me in Spanish, but it was the assurance that I needed to hear.

I have had hopes for so long.  In addition to so-called practical actions, I’ve been believing and feeling and affirming and praying and meditating.  In some ways, it feels as though my situation has worsened.  Every time I feel like giving up, something odd like “por tu te he puesto” happens.  It’s like some little hook appears to keep me going.  I remember years ago, I went through a guided meditation during which we were to receive a gift and the name of the entity giving it.  I received a rose from Ananda.

At the time, I had never heard this name.  I went to a bookstore to buy the music that had been played during the meditation.  While browsing, I picked up and started reading these cute little books.  To my astonishment, I found that Ananda was the second patriarch of the Buddha.  Years later, I learned that Ananda means pure bliss.  I believe these “weird” incidents are ways that the Universe communicates with me.  I just have to develop the capacity to understand.

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Thoughts Held in Mind

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blue rose ashiharalover deviantart

One of my constant phrases is “Thoughts held in mind produce in kind.”

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to continuously plant positive messages into our brain.  We are faced every minute of every day with news of war, chaos, catastrophe, and mayhem.  We have to consciously and continuously fill our minds with the joy that surrounds us.

I constantly read and listen to scriptures, interpretations, stories, and songs from a variety of ancient and current spiritual and religious philosophies, even those that assign limited human attributes to what I believe to be an indescribable and infinite Presence.  I disregard the superficial labels and characteristics and focus on the message.

The story of Daniel lying down to sleep in the lion’s den encourages me to face my fears and trust that all is and will be well.  Joseph was sold by his siblings and unfairly put in prison.  Through all of his troubles, he maintained his integrity and commitment to do his best and rose to have power second to the King’s.  The Brave Merchant walked through fiery hells to receive a blessing from the Buddha.  The fairy tales I read as a child taught me that good shall ultimately prevail.  I take inspiration from the many stories of people who faced tremendous challenges and, not only persevered, but prospered.  When I feel like giving up, I recall these stories and keep it moving.

Even though differently stated, inherent principles are the same in every wisdom tradition. The more I hear and read, the more they sink in.  The repetition becomes part of my mind’s litany.  One morning, I woke up late.  Realizing that I wouldn’t be able to devote much time to meditate, I decided to forego it.  Instantly, a Biblical story popped into my mind: “If she could just touch the hem of his garment, she would be healed.”  I then recalled that the intent to meditate can be powerful and even a second of awareness adds to a cumulative total that will eventually develop a higher level of consciousness.  That morning, I had a short, but excellent meditation.

I need proper tools to fulfill my destiny.  I need consistency, practice, strengthening, and stretching.  I need to stay alert so that I can think clearly and effectively.  I need to have endurance.  All of these require a tank full of premium fuel.  There is no sustenance in a diet of pain, degradation, disrespect, and dishonor.

When I reach my wit’s end, upon what will I draw if my tool bag consists of unfairness; resentment; misogyny; the F, N, B, and H words; and destruction?  What will be my vision of myself and others?  How will that perception affect my actions?

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