We are manifestations of what IS. We are continuously being created according to our thoughts and behavior. We fail to recognize our infinite power and, therefore, cling to the inconsequential material forms within our limited perception. If we knew that we could create new worlds, we wouldn’t cling so tightly to this one.
I have seen that which is created from anger, hatred, sorrow, and pain. Life improves for a season. Then the storms return. Knowing this, create from joy.
One day, I became so angry that I did not know what to do. So I sat in meditation and asked for a solution to the situation that had caused the anger. As I became still and continued to ask for guidance, my request became more refined. I asked for clarity so that I could become a channel for healing. The answer did not come during this meditation. Throughout that day, I thought: “Clarity – Healing” to remind me of the answer that I sought.
A couple of days later, I watched a medical intuitive who was a guest on Oprah. She was, in essence, a psychic, but didn’t like that label. She explained that words carry energy and she wanted to be very careful of how she used them. The intuitive revealed what I’ve known for years, but have had much difficulty implementing in my life. Do not judge. Have no expectations. Give up the idea that you need to know why things happen as they do. Forgive.
Forgiveness is a selfish act because it helps you more than the other person. Let go and be aware that every thought and emotion has power that can be used for or against you. Do whatever you need to do to transcend your pain so that you can stop creating more of the same.
I wish this moment would never end. What moment is this? The moment of new growth, of new experiences, of developing into a fuller self. In this way, the moment is never stagnant, but ever-changing. A sweetness, a sharpness that gives rise to greater appreciation for softness, a pain that gives way to pleasure. Constant evolution. A moment of change. And then when you reach full ecstasy, you rest and then change again. Life, first in form, always in Spirit. One day a body for 70 years, the next day a light for eternity. Body to light, light to body. A moment in God.
We must make the most of every day. We can’t let a day end without appreciating the beauty of each moment, each spinning second dashing to the completion of its minute. The irritating presence of insects buzzing around you, a spider’s web becoming entangled around your legs – these are blessings. Thank God that you can feel, that your mind can evoke thoughts of irritation. Thank God that you can walk into a place where there are insects and spider webs. The abilities to touch, to see, to feel, to have emotions are blessings. Don’t let your day race to its end without appreciating your gifts of life.
My friend was contemplating whether to go on a weekend trip. She has lived a very conservative life and is trying to break out of her boundaries. She has not done anything that was unplanned and about which the result was uncertain. We had a very interesting discussion. She said that her mother has lived a very full life, has traveled internationally, and had many wonderful experiences. My friend said that she didn’t want to have regrets about what she hadn’t done.
I told her that I have lived like her mother; but, in the totality of my life thus far, intense joy has been matched by intense pain. I wasn’t wishing her pain or trying to say that my experience is one that all must enjoy and endure. The essence of what I tried to communicate was that, if you live a full life and explore unknown paths, you’re bound to make mistakes and suffer the consequences of those mistakes. Looking back, I probably wouldn’t even classify them as mistakes. I would catalog them as “paths taken that didn’t end where I thought they would.”
My friend said that there was also a suffering that comes from not exploring. I said yes. So since either way you suffer, you might as well get hurt doing whatever the heck you want to do.
Sometimes I think that I am a bright light that blinds some people and annoys others. These people then subconsciously seek to put out or dim my light by invalidating or being negative towards me.
My bright light actually hurts them and they are simply trying not to be in pain anymore. Often, I resist the hurtful actions of others and interpret them as conscious and targeted attacks and react accordingly. This, in fact, further dims my light and causes me to attract more adversity. If I continue to react negatively and without loving kindness, I become the person in pain, subconsciously invalidating and causing harm to others. Their bright lights hurt me until I am able to bring myself back into balance.
Kara, a woman on my swim team, told me how she and her partner, Simone, were trying to keep secret the fact that they were lesbians and that they were dating. The conversation came up because Kara had been telling me about this guy and speaking as though she was interested in him. I said, “I thought you were a lesbian.” She asked, “How did you know? How can you tell?” Kara wanted to check her behavior because she felt there were problems at work and didn’t want to encounter the same on the team. She said that she was looking for another job, one with a better environment for gays and lesbians.
I told her that I was surprised that she was keeping her sexual identity a secret. I listed all of the people on the swim team who I knew for sure were gay or lesbian. Since there were quite a few, I thought the team was open to gays and lesbians. Kara didn’t think so and said that Simone was worried that their relationship would hinder her plan to be a coach. I was incredulous. I always thought being lesbian would insure that one would be selected to coach.
I participated in an exercise where we were to imagine going through a door of death. We were to visualize what was on the other side. I visualized a long black and red spiraling tunnel tilting to the left. Ananda (my spirit guide) and Thai (my favorite, now deceased dog) were there to greet and welcome me. Then we turned into balls of light and zoomed through the tunnel into space. There were stars everywhere. It was beautiful and quite overwhelming. Then there appeared four or five other lights. They were the masters who had advised me before I entered into my present embodiment. They all congratulated me. I felt as though I was at a graduation. I looked back on my life. I could see pain, but I now saw it as insignificant because I had made it through. Here I was – a success! I was very happy.
Then I remember going even beyond the stars where there were clouds and a blue sky. I believe that I had another purpose as a ball of light, but I don’t remember what it was.
When I broke my foot, I was devastated. I had my whole summer planned, my whole life really. I was going to parlay this year’s fitness into future years of triathlons, longer open water swims, etc. I had a 72 mile bike ride in two days for which I had vigorously trained. I was looking forward to open water swims at Santa Cruz, Lake Berryessa, Donner Lake, Tiburon, and other venues. My yoga practice was consistent and improving. In one unfortunate second, my plans came to an abrupt end! I sat on my pity pot for weeks.
Many believe that we are in an era during which we are being pushed to move towards greater consciousness. It could be that we’re just getting older and shit happens and our bodies start to break down. But, I choose to think that we are being forced through circumstances to look at our attachments. If we can get to a place of non-attachment, we become open to experiencing peace and contentment in the moment. Our joy and fulfillment are not dependent upon the external. Therefore, whether or not they are lost or found is ancillary, not primary, to the wholeness of our being.