I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that was particularly moving to me.  People died.  There was a lot of unfairness.  A little boy got shot by police while climbing into a window of his own home.  It looked as though he was going to be ok, but he succumbed to his injuries.  A woman suddenly died after giving birth.  A young man tried to cut off his hand because his literal translation of the Bible compelled him to do so.

April, a deeply religious doctor, witnessed or was involved in these events.  Overwhelmed, she started to mentally relive the tragedies of her own life.  The husband of the woman who died was a man who April left at the altar, running away in her wedding dress with Jackson, another doctor.  Their marriage disintegrated after she had a miscarriage and, thereafter, became severely depressed.

By the end of the episode, April was emotionally drained and asked, “Where is God in all of this?”  She thought of the story of Job and Jesus on the cross saying, “Why has thou forsaken me?”

I started crying because this scene brought back traumatic experiences in my own life.  I used to repeatedly read the Book of Job trying to find some understanding of my perceived suffering.  At this point in my life, however, I realize that God expresses itself through us and that we do not always well express God. This Spirit that is perfect comes through the prism that is us.  We cannot see our perfection because the pain of the flesh overrides our awareness of our true Essence.

God exists in and through us.  Until we can fully express the Reality of God, we continue to manifest God imperfectly, diluted, and distorted by our own perceptions, by our own sickness, and by our own weakness.

We have drifted far away from our authentic selves.  I know what I’m supposed to do; but, somehow, I get caught up in the world, in the material.  The flesh takes over.  I read about the Infinite Way.  I say I understand it.  I know it.  I want it.  Yet, against my will it seems, I continue to express anger, fear, resentment, and judgment.  I repeatedly fail to demonstrate an assurance of abundance, love, and protection. Continue reading →