I worked for some time on “I am worthy.” Then, I decided to work on “Allowing.” Allowing people to be how they are without me having to conform to or be affected by whatever that is. I decided to practice simply allowing and saying ok. I am not advocating submitting to abuse. I refer to an alternate response to the many perceived slights, irritations, irrational demands, and drama that we get pulled into.
Allowing is related to self-worth. When we feel unworthy and powerless, we feel the need to argue, defend, justify, explain, and comment when listening is all that is usually necessary. If no inquiry is asked, no response is needed and, usually, is not welcome. It’s like giving unsolicited advice. People who want your opinion will ask for it.
If others say, do, or require what is not in line with what you want, don’t argue or complain. If productive, state your concerns. Otherwise, remove yourself or make plans to leave. I knew a woman who lived with her philandering boyfriend and calmly expressed her feelings of betrayal. After no change in behavior, she quietly saved her money, found and put a deposit on another apartment. One day, he came home from work and found her and all of her belongings gone. There was no fighting, no drama, and, apparently, no lasting hard feelings. They worked together on a professional level for many years thereafter. She allowed him to remain the same while she chose what was best for her.
The key is – do you know what you want? Most of us know what we don’t want, which is why it is easy and common to express our discontent. If we know what we want, almost everything becomes very clear.
When we give power to others to manifest our desires and expectations, we can become upset when they don’t act as we would like. When we feel powerful, we know that we can provide for ourselves what we want. Then, if a person, place, or situation is not supplying or is preventing access to what we need, we can identify and move towards a more productive place to blossom. That power and awareness of choice allows us not to be so tied to the closed door temporarily in front of us. There is no need to become angry or frustrated. We stay calm and look for or create a door that is open and welcoming.
Allowing is acting with the knowledge that there is always a better place. You can, thus, ask yourself before responding, “How important is this to me? Is it worth getting hot and bothered about? Will focusing on the irritation and engaging in tense-filled discussions take me away from what I really want to do? At the end, will I be further away from where I want to go? Is it worth the distraction, lost time, and energy?”
Allowing enables me to focus on changing me instead of the external person or situation. If I don’t allow, then I must confront, which creates tension, which causes a reaction and a responsive reply, leading to a battle. Resentment ensues, along with grudges, payback, and days, weeks, and months of bad feelings. All because I didn’t allow.