In 2002, I saw Mary J. Blige perform on the Grammys.  She sang her song No More Drama.   She sang it with such emotion and passion that I became emotional, stood up in my living room and, crying, sang with her: “No more drama!”

I decided that I did not want any more drama in my life.  I was surrounded by drama on my job and within my family.  Even though I wanted drama to end, I didn’t want to leave my job because I didn’t want to be without income.  I didn’t want to leave my family because I love my family.  But, sometimes, there are ways of being and patterns of existence that become incompatible with where you want to go and what you want to be.

There are always reasons to stay in the midst of drama.  As I’ve been working on myself all of these years, I finally realized, and this is something that Mary J says in her song, that “Maybe I liked the stress, because I was young and restless.”

Finally, when I ran out of oxygen, I saw very clearly that I don’t have any more energy to give to this.  I don’t want to take this anymore.  Because I let – yes, I let – drama into my life, chaos permeated my life such that, even though I could say that I wasn’t the cause of that drama, it still was so much a part of me that it affected my relationships.  I have said ok to things that I knew I didn’t want and knew that they weren’t going to work out; but, I thought I didn’t have any options.  I talked the talk, but I didn’t walk in faith without fear.

Though I walk through the valley of darkness, I fear no evil for you are with me.  Your rod and your staff – they comfort me.  What does it mean to live that, not just to state it?

Breaking away from the familiar is tremendously hard, even if it is restrictive.  It sometimes seems that when you try to break away, negative forces become more intense.

I read about a man who was mountain climbing and his arm became wedged in a crevice.  There was no one to help him.  He took a knife, cut off his arm, applied a tourniquet, and freed himself; otherwise, he would have died.  Some slaves cut off a foot to be free rather than continue in slavery with that chain on their leg.  Euphemistically, even if it’s for a brief time, sometimes we have to cut off that part of us that is maintaining the status quo.

If you feel like you can’t take this anymore, what are you willing to cut off? Are you willing to die?  Not physically.  But, are you willing to have your dreams and potential die because you’re not willing to cut off that part?  If you have to give something up to get what you want, are you willing to do this?

First and foremost, we have to focus on our desires.  I stated and wrote my list of wants.  However, looking at my actions with an objective eye, I see that I actually spent a lot of effort manifesting the desires of others.  I didn’t think of it like that.  What I thought was that people needed my help; or I wanted to do a good job; or my efforts and my money were being utilized for good causes.  Whatever the reason, these righteous works took me away from implementing my own dreams for my life.  In this regard, my giving was sacrificial.  That’s not healthy or self-cherishing.

So I guess I didn’t really want what I wanted.  I didn’t know how to say no.  I didn’t clearly state what I could or was willing to do or not do.  I didn’t set boundaries.  If it was work related, I didn’t think that I could say no or express boundaries.  This reflected a sense of powerlessness and fear.

Because I have been through the fire, I now know that I can face my fears.  I know that I am powerful.  I know that I am protected.  I know that a man or a woman or a job or a relative or any material thing is but a channel through which the Infinite Source provides all that I have and will have.  The only block to my constant flow of abundance is my lack of belief in my worth, in my capabilities, in my confidence, in my certainty, and in my ability and my right to have what I want.

Do I want it badly enough not to be deterred and distracted by whatever is going on in someone else’s life?  Deciding to go after what you want is a choice.  Many times that choice involves saying no to other people’s drama and trauma.  Many times that choice rides on the wings of trust and faith because you have to believe that there is another way and that you can make it if you have to.

How bad do you want what you want?  That is the question.