Is THIS – whatever you are doing, whoever and whatever you are around – is THIS taking you in the direction that you want to go?  Is THIS moving you towards who and what you want to be and do?

My swim coach pointed out a curve in my back in both my backstroke and freestyle.  In order to move more fluidly, more efficiently through the water, my back needs to be flat like a table.  She suggested that one way to achieve a level back is to hold in my stomach.  It is very challenging to hold in my stomach while I’m swimming.  Another coach suggested that I lie on the floor, notice what muscles are utilized to flatten my back, and transfer that knowledge and feeling to my body position while swimming.  Both coaches advise pelvic tilts, sucking in the gut, and squeezing the glutes.

The purpose of these techniques is to develop a strong core.  If I strengthen my core, it will take less effort to make my back level and my body straight.  If I have correct body position, I move more efficiently through the water.

This is also true in life.  What is your core?  Is your core strong?  Do you value yourself?  Do you think you are worthy?  If you don’t think that you are worthy, then you attract others who think accordingly.  If you don’t respect yourself, you draw into your life disrespect.  If you don’t have a strong core, life is choppy and hard to get through.  It takes much effort to get through each day.

Your unworthiness is reflected in others who also see themselves in you.  You are mirrors for each other.  Some express their reflections by trying to exercise control in order to elevate themselves.   A battle then ensues.  Each combats the self-image they see in the other.  Each attempts to fight or fend off the other when the true “enemy” is the self.  The core needs strengthening.

If you think you are worthy, then you attract people and circumstances that reflect that worthiness, that strength in you.  A person who thinks they are unworthy has to defend, justify, and explain themselves.  Shondra Rhimes said that she used to make excuses for saying no.  “No I can’t because . . .”  Now, she says, “No, I can’t do that right now” and lets that statement stand by itself.  And she keeps repeating it for those who don’t get it.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t do that right now.”  And that’s all that she has to say because she knows that she doesn’t have to justify her decision.  It always comes back to self.  Your self-worth.  What is your value, your strength?

What is the core of your being?  That is what I am working on.  I feel that the intense pain that I recently endured caused me to dig deep within the depths of my being and ask, “Who are you? What is your worth?  How are you expressing that worth?  What do you want?  What are you willing to do to get it?”

Again, I found myself in a long discussion defending and explaining my position and expressing my resentment and hurt.  After a fruitless hour in which my image of unworthiness was projected back to me in minute detail, I had a tension headache.  To my credit, with the clarity of pain, I saw my reflection.  I realized that, still, I needed to justify, rationalize, and point out my value.  I shouldn’t have to continuously state my worth.  It should be apparent in my demeanor and in my speech.  Still, I did not see myself as worthy.

But that was a tipping point.  That was a breakthrough.  My awakening.  I saw me.  I finally got it.  To escape the grips of my anguish, I detached myself from that false image.  It helped to leave my house and go sit in a place where I could think and reflect without distraction.  The next day, prior to a meeting that would normally leave me drained and defensive, I sat in my car and played “No More Drama” several times to remind me that I wanted peace of mind and that I was willing to do whatever it took to get it – even change my habitual and reactive patterns.

I was then able to correctly observe how I was manipulated by my false sense of self; how I felt so innately connected to material beings that I allowed them to influence my thinking and behavior.  I needed to strengthen the core of my being and reconnect to Infinite Source.  The external had become such an integral part of me that I could no longer differentiate it from my True Self.

I want my life to reflect a strong core that enables me to move more efficiently through the waters of life.  I don’t want to fight anymore.

I commit to practicing the techniques of self love and self cherishing.  I am worthy.  I don’t have to justify or explain who, what, or why I am, unless my reflections are not what I want in my life.  In that case, I need to change me – for me.