I started reading Joel Goldsmith again and seem to be getting more from his teachings.  I am more clearly understanding that the external manifests to the degree that my consciousness expands.

“We will achieve [tangible expression of our inner consciousness] in proportion to our ability to relax mentally, to gain an inner calm and peace, and therein quietly contemplate the revelations which come to us from within.” The Infinite Way, Joel Goldsmith, p. 126

I have intellectually known this since I had a visualization of being counseled to stay inside my circle – counsel that I disregarded for many years, choosing instead to challenge, fight, and run away from adverse circumstances.  Now that I am more frequently living my life from within my circle, I practice calm, peace, trust, and even joy in the midst of turmoil. Because I am now aware that my “circle” is the part of me that is undisturbable, I am taking my growth to the next level.

This way of living is a discipline that requires practice.  It’s learning to live from a foundation of trust, not control.  When I roller skated, I was the tail, not the lead skater of a group linked together for better or worse.  The only control I had was to physically let go of the hand I held, which wasn’t always the safest option.  I realize now that, without effort or thought, my mind at that time was free.

In those days, I didn’t even think about getting hurt.  I thought about how uncool it was to wear knee and elbow pads.  I never did learn how to jump over people in case of a crash; but, that was my focus, not an injury.  I so admired the guys who had that degree of agility and skill.  The point is – I didn’t think about the bad things that could happen.  I only thought about fun and how to have more.

When the circumstances of my life changed and I had little time for fun, I became concerned about security.  Thoughts of lack and limitation followed.  I began to grasp onto what I thought I might lose and want more of what I had.  It took many years, but sooner or later, my life began to reflect my thoughts.  Not realizing my contribution in this regard, I blamed the external, which resulted in feelings of bitterness, resentment, and condemnation that, unfortunately, produced conditions that caused more of the same.

Because of my lengthy unemployment and my desire and commitment to grow in consciousness, I was able to get off of the wheel of perpetual aggravation.  I now know that I will be ok if I stay within my circle (grounded in my center, my essence, the me that is safe and stable in the midst of chaos) no matter where I am or in whatever situation I find myself.  If I can keep my senses about me, then I can fly.  I must learn to create my best next steps wherever and however I am, like the agile skaters jumping over unexpected obstacles.

When a baby bird is pushed out of the nest, sometimes it must learn to fly in midair.  Within the circle, all things are possible.  My desire to fly, to expand in consciousness, causes me to be receptive to teachings that assist in my evolution and to experiences that propel me forward, even though I don’t always sense movement.

Almost twenty years ago, I wrote in my master’s thesis that I wanted “to transform myself such that I became a different being, an enhancement of myself.”  This happened to the character Teg in the Dune series of books by Frank Herbert.  Teg’s ability to so transform himself in the midst of intense pain was such an inspiration that I based my thesis on a deconstruction of his evolutionary process.

Seven years later, I purchased The Infinite Way and read: “As the realization of our dominion dawns in thought, more assurance, confidence, and certainty become evident.  We become a new being, and the world reflects back to us our own higher attitude towards it.” The Infinite Way, p. 127.  This affirmed the path upon which I had begun.

Seventeen years later, I finally started to internalize the ideas that repeatedly confront me in various forms.  Today I see that the disorder in my life is based upon perceptions that I deem real when, in fact, they are created, fed, and inflamed by my own consciousness.  Because I am not operating from a centered and flowing Reality, my thoughts, perceptions, and beliefs control my actions and impede growth in awareness of myself and others.

If I won’t or can’t create from peace and love, chaos and crisis will thrust me into a new dimension of possibility and potential.  Either way, I will get where I am supposed to go and become what I will be.  But truly, I want to exist and evolve from tranquility, joy, and fun.