Category Archives: Staying Seated

Meditation Works For Me

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When I was 19 years old, I read a book called “The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment” by Thaddeus Golas.  Since then, I’ve read it again at various times in my life.  This book motivated me to change my vibration level by meditating.  Over time and changing circumstances, and most likely because of my Christian background, I began to use meditation as a means to secure necessities and desires.  Coming full circle, I have returned to my original intent to change my vibration and energy, to increase my awareness, and to go deeper into understanding.

Many years ago, I received an awareness that, no matter what happened, I was to remain seated within a circle.  I didn’t fully comprehend this at the time.  Looking back years later, I saw that I ran away from intense challenges or ran aggressively forward in confrontation.  Never did I sit quietly in contemplation or acceptance.  Over time, I grew tired of banging my head against the wall.  I grew weary of and exhausted from conflict, resentment, and pain resulting from judgment and condemnation – whether mine or that of others.

Now, I primarily meditate to center myself, to connect to that which is Eternal and Infinite, and to access within myself joy, peace, harmony, and understanding.  I now fully understand what it means to stay seated within my circle.  Not only do I meditate, I find time to be still, to read, to listen and reflect.

I practice various forms of meditation.  I prefer to sit in silence.  Sometimes, however, I cannot stop my thoughts and my mind races with worry, fear, and anxiety.  In these situations, I use guided meditations.  On occasion, I fall sleep with selected meditations playing in my ear.  I believe in the adage, “Thoughts held in mind produce in kind.”  From personal experience, I know that – regardless of the reason, rationale, or justification – unproductive energy will materialize in my life when negativity of any kind emanates from my thoughts, speech, and behavior.  So I’ve got to keep my mind focused on the positive by any means necessary.

Meditation, whether silent or guided, helps to calm me.  It helps me to hold onto my faith while I’m going through the fire.  One morning, I awoke agitated, upset, and overwhelmed with panic and dread.  I had no desire to do anything but lie in bed with the covers pulled over my head.  I decided to mediate.  An hour later, I experienced a peace that I carried throughout the day.

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Transformation is a Process

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During this time of transition (which has been ongoing for six years), I have received numerous comments from friends and family about what I could and should be doing to secure income.  The general theme is “you’re not doing all that you could.  You could be doing more.”

Consistent suggestions include: becoming an Uber/Lyft driver, renting out parts of my home, and accepting low-paid clerical positions.  Always, there is an implied criticism that I’m not willing to take positions that I feel are less than my capabilities, qualifications, and potential.  I express what I feel are valid defenses to the well-intended offerings; however, after these conversations, I often feel drained, deficient, guilty, and self-condemning.

To rebalance, I take the time to be still, to meditate, to read and listen to guidance that reflects what I believe and know to be true.  As Joel Goldsmith advised, “unless we are careful to retire often into the sanctuary of our inner being, the stress of daily living will deprive us of the power of the spiritual sense that possesses us.”

I actually like my life.  I don’t relish existing in financial instability.  My truth is that I am in the process of changing.  Thirty years ago, I made a critical decision not to follow my heart’s desire, but to do what seemed more practical at the time.  This led into years of choosing money first and foremost over what would grow me into the person that, at the time, I wanted to be.

I stopped being authentic.  Because I placed myself in environments that were diametrically opposed to my intrinsic nature, I was often surrounded by people with whom I was incompatible.  Tension, conflict, and neverending stress became the norm.

Most people who tell me what I could and should be doing are not themselves leading lives of joy, contentment, and fulfillment.  They are like I used to be: working in conditions that cause them to be mentally and physically unhealthy.  Their jobs allow them to survive, but not thrive.  The acceptable standard is doing whatever is believed to be needed to make it through.

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Deep Cleaning

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Deep cleaning my house has been very slow.  It’s taken months.  I’m finally getting to the point where I’m vacuuming my very filthy carpet.  As I vacuum, I think about things.  It’s been a trying time.  There are so many things that I need to do that I can’t do: maintenance my car.  I have deep cracks in my ceilings.  In my bedroom, the ceiling is bowed.  According to the Internet, this signifies that I immediately need to call a structural engineer.  But I can’t afford it.  I’m hoping that the issue is not the foundation.  I’m thankful to get through each day without my ceilings falling in.

I think, “why why why is my life like this?”

The thought came to me that I was the one who wanted to change my life, to turn my life around.  If you want to learn a sport, to become healthier, or to become proficient in anything, there are certain things that you have to give up.  You have to give up refined sugar, sitting in front of the television all day, drinking and hanging out every night, especially when you’re “of a certain age.”  Even though, to me, giving up income is not the same as giving up ice cream or cookies or TV, it still is, in a sense, a giving up of something.

The intent that I expressed to change my life has somehow overridden my desire to have instant money.  Left to my own devices, I would continue to do the things that have caused me to gain weight, to sit all of the time, to be unhealthy, to be unhappy and stressed out of my mind.  The Universe, responding to my intent, stopped and blocked me and said “no no.  You’re not going to do this.  You’re going to do THIS.”

My solution would be to win a million dollars.  This would solve all of my problems.  I don’t know why I can’t win the lottery when others have.  Apparently, that’s not in line with my intent.  Perhaps that outcome would change my life, but would not change me, which is my ultimate intent.

The path that I used to take seems to be closed to me right now.  Perhaps in the long run, looking back, I will see that it was a good thing that it was closed because otherwise I would continue to do the same thing.  It was easier to get and go to a miserable job every day to obtain money.  That’s what I’ve done for the last 25 years.  It’s been a good way to pay my bills.  If I could do the same thing that I had been doing, which is to be able to get a job quickly, then I would be working right now.

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Growing Through the Storms

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Red Rose in a storm by faepacific

After a particularly challenging day, I wanted to fill my drained self with food and wine, but I know from experience that this choice is merely a Band-Aid, not a cure.  In fact, it keeps me in the valley.  A stuffed self cannot flow.  A drugged self cannot clearly see signposts on the path.  We grow spiritually when we are strong mentally and physically.

So on this particularly day, I chose to enter my meditation room and sit with no time limit.  I would sit until I felt better.  I mentally released all debt, lack, and limitation.  I spoke my word and told my struggles to get thee behind me.  I visualized pictures of mountains of drama and trauma turning to sand.

I filled myself with abundance.  I spoke health and prosperity.  I saw the beauty of my life and saw myself connected to all life, to the energy of all existence, and to the energy of the Universe. In that connection, I felt such overwhelming love, God’s love, that I started crying from the sheer immensity of that feeling.  At that moment, I felt secure.  I felt safe.  I felt that my situation was not insurmountable, that it would be resolved, that I was one with God and, therefore, one with abundance.  One with prosperity.  I felt that.

When I completed my meditation, I was compelled to flip through various books on my shelves.  I felt that whatever page I landed on would be what I needed to hear.

In The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, priests were serenely facing violence from the government.  The protagonist was scared to death, in fear of his life, and didn’t understand why they were so calm.  The priests were calm because they needed to keep their vibration level high.  They knew if they were fearful, their energy dropped.  With low energy, they could not receive insight or attract helpful people.  Fear attracts itself – more situations and circumstances that evoke panic and trepidation.

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Sit Still, Stay Focused, Become Rooted

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Sitting in the Rain wunderground

 

Riding on a train from Saratoga to New York City, I had a vision that I was going through an initiation.  I was led into a forest.  Everything was dark.  I was told that a path would light up.  I was to begin walking on this lighted path and stay on it no matter what happened.  If the path disappeared, I was to sit down and go through the experience and endure whatever presented itself until the path appeared again.  Even if I felt that I was falling or felt the touch of a giant spider (my greatest fear!), I was to know that these were all illusions.  I was to remain seated until I saw the path again, even if I felt as though I was drifting through space.

About a week later, I was sitting in a park after experiencing a painful experience with a now former friend.  I was thinking about how unfair life was and how cruel people are to each other.  As I wiped the tears from my eyes, I thought that whatever initiation I might be going through was not as simple as monster spiders and floating in space.  It is constantly attempting to stay focused on a spiritual path, focused on God, and not letting the emotions of mortal beings negatively affect my own energy and make me react.

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