There is an indescribable feeling that I get in meditation or after yoga, even when I have monkey mind throughout (thinking of bills, chores, and people).  It may last for only a few seconds; but, the memory of that feeling makes me want more.  That’s why I always return to yoga, meditation, and other transformative practices, and read and listen to varying sources of wisdom.  I am repeatedly led to this feeling, however brief, that is hard to describe.  Is it peace?  An opening or space?  A flow?  An awareness?

I have similar experiences with eating.  I became a vegetarian after visiting my sister.  After six months, I craved my favorite meat dishes and returned to habitual ways of eating.  My body reacted.  It was though my system had cleansed itself and was clear.  When I resumed eating meat, grease, and other fatty foods that usually accompanied my meals, I began to experience indigestion and feeling uncomfortably stuffed.  In general, I did not feel well.  I realized that, prior to my vegetarian experience, I considered this state normal.

I didn’t realize that it was abnormal to regularly feel bloated and have mild body aches and pains, allergies and “the flu” two or three times per year.  I was physically active and mentally alert.  I thought I was in optimal shape because I couldn’t imagine a higher state of being.

It was only when I experienced a physical clearness – the feeling that a free-flowing and nutrient filled digestive system gave my body – that I began to realize that there were other and more comfortable ways of existing.  I wasn’t aware until I felt an immediate dis-ease when I returned to my “normal” habits after months of ingesting healthy foods.  Until I felt more energetic, I didn’t know that I was lacking in energy.

I still eat sweets, meat, and other foods and beverages that are not the most compatible with a healthy body, mind, and soul.  However, because my body is growing more accustomed to being free, I immediately feel the effects of my indulgences: hot flashes, constipation, stuffy nose and chest, weak nails.  Therefore, I continue to minimize my intake of refined and processed foods and to exercise.  My body feels sluggish when I don’t move it or feed it wisely.

Sometimes after stretching, yoga, massage, and other movement, I feel circulation in my body.  I don’t know whether it is blood or air.  Perhaps there was a blockage of some kind that I didn’t know existed until I felt a flowing.

The same goes for my spiritual ingestion.  When I don’t meditate, practice yoga, read or listen to uplifting words of wisdom and inspirational music, I get drawn into the drama and violence of the news and TV shows.  Soon, my life begins to imitate these illusions and I have to turn them off to return to the Reality that always beckons.  My cravings change as I choose to nourish as well as to satisfy.  Sometimes, my physical and mental taste buds are very happy until my body expresses discomfort and my mind becomes agitated.

Then I want more of the inexpressible feelings that I’ve experienced.  The memories create my desire for more.  More ease, more comfort, more health, more flexibility, more mobility, more peace, more discernment, clearer thinking, better understanding, more openness, more love of myself and others.

All are within my control.