I went to the law library to research various subjects and practice guides.  In order to minimize my time in the library, I copied certain documents on a small flash drive.  When I completed my tasks, I gathered up my belongings, removed the flash drive from the computer, and left.  I was very busy for the next week and a half.  At some point, I missed the drive, but figured that I had misplaced it and, like other items, it would eventually show up.

After two weeks, I began to panic.  I looked everywhere – in my purses, my car, pockets, desk, floors, in between couch pillows.  Waking up at 2 AM, I turned on my laptop, and discovered that I hadn’t downloaded any documents from the library.  Thus, I presumed that I hadn’t removed the device from the library’s computer.

The next day, I called the library and was told that, when found, they throw the drives away. They don’t have space to store the many USB devices that people leave behind.  I thought of all of the time I spent at the library, carefully selecting my desired documents.  The librarian had to contact another staff member to access the database that contained what I needed. All that effort was worthless now.  How could I have left the drive?

The day before I began to miss my flash drive, I had a dream in which I was swept into the ocean by huge waves.  I knew that I could swim, but I was so far out, I began to feel hopeless.  I wondered why I had this dream.  I didn’t feel overwhelmed or lost.  The next morning, during meditation, I felt tired. The loss of my flash drive was consuming my thoughts.  I felt that, metaphorically, every time I get close to shore, a big wave comes and carries me far away.  I use much effort to swim back only to find myself swept out again and again.  In my meditative flashback of my dream, I decided not to swim back and to just drift out to sea.  I had no more energy or inclination.

My meditating thoughts said, “This is surrendering.”  I didn’t agree.  I asked, “How could surrender be simply drifting into a huge nothingness?”  I recalled Eckhart Tolle stating, “When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.”  Yet, I didn’t feel excitement or anticipation.  I only felt tired.  Despite my lackluster perspective, at the end of my meditation, I felt an indescribable something.  A release?  An openness?  An opening?  I can’t express the feeling in words.

The next morning, I awoke at 2:30 a.m., again worrying about my flash drive, who might have it, and what that person would do with my information.  The issue wasn’t that I lost the drive.  Even though I couldn’t remember what was on the drive, I became increasingly anxious, believing that someone was reading or using my personal information to harm me.

I also felt shaken because I thought I had carefully recovered the drive before I left the library.  How could I believe that I did something when I didn’t?  Was I coming down with Alzheimer’s like my mom?  My logical mind kept saying, “Move on.  There’s nothing you can do about it so let it go.”  This would calm me for brief periods.

That night, I awoke at 1 a.m.  This time I was angry.  I remembered that I did have a large amount of data on the drive because five or six years ago, I used it to back up my computer.  I was certain that someone had my flash drive.  I remembered seeing a woman sit at the computer station I had used.  I could see her looking at me as I walked past.  She knew I left my drive in the computer and she didn’t let me know.  I could see her going through all of the documents on my drive.

I knew that it was senseless to follow this line of thinking, but I couldn’t control myself.  I was so angry.

Another week went by. One evening, I sat and listened to my inspirational music.  I began to return to balance and become grounded.  I again felt an indescribable oneness.  I stopped being upset about my flash drive.  I became aware in that moment that whoever has the flash drive is me.  I am one with the eternal vastness of life and part of everyone who exists.  Wherever the flash drive is, I am.  I am the sea.  I am the wave.  I am the ebb and the flow.  Therefore, I have nothing to fear or to be upset about.  I let go.  I surrendered.

The next day I found my flash drive!  It was in a backpack-like purse that I have only used once – to go to a street festival.  I have no idea why I would have put the flash drive in that purse, which was at the bottom of my closet.