Kara, a woman on my swim team, told me how she and her partner, Simone, were trying to keep secret the fact that they were lesbians and that they were dating. The conversation came up because Kara had been telling me about this guy and speaking as though she was interested in him. I said, “I thought you were a lesbian.”  She asked, “How did you know? How can you tell?”  Kara wanted to check her behavior because she felt there were problems at work and didn’t want to encounter the same on the team.  She said that she was looking for another job, one with a better environment for gays and lesbians.

I told her that I was surprised that she was keeping her sexual identity a secret.  I listed all of the people on the swim team who I knew for sure were gay or lesbian.  Since there were quite a few, I thought the team was open to gays and lesbians.  Kara didn’t think so and said that Simone was worried that their relationship would hinder her plan to be a coach. I was incredulous.  I always thought being lesbian would insure that one would be selected to coach.

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