Sometimes in order for a life to be rebuilt it has to be torn down and torn apart.
Within a two year period, I lost my mom and my source of income. I stopped seeing my therapist because I could no longer afford to pay him. Nevertheless, within six months, I completed and self-published a book that I had been trying to write since 1994. I resumed my exercise and lost 30 pounds.
Then I broke my foot and was in a boot for seven months, which was an incredibly difficult adjustment. Yet, my immobility caused me to stop and think. I could do little else but reflect, meditate, and question what was going on with my life, what I was doing, and what I was going to do. How many people get the opportunity to do nothing? This is very critical. As I wrote in my book, we’re on this treadmill and we don’t want to get off. We think we can’t get off. That’s what I thought. What will happen if I get off of this treadmill? I was very unhappy. Yet, I kept going. I kept doing the same things over and over.
After my mom died, my life seemed to fall apart and I couldn’t figure out how to put it together again. It was a very intense time. Even today, I become emotional remembering that period. But I can look back and I see that what I went through was analogous to a building being demolished. Anything that I no longer needed in my life disappeared. Some forms of existence cannot remain if change is going to come.
Therapy began a process of critical and immense change. That process included many births and deaths, beginnings and endings. I regained my health. People and institutions left my life. I started Ancient Seeker. I didn’t appreciate much of my journey as I traveled along my tumultuous roads. Change is not always enjoyable. It can be very traumatic. Some people don’t endure great changes. Their lives go along at the same speed. I experienced substantial changes that were painful and traumatic. But I got through them and became aware of the benefits.
