Not long ago, my life appeared at a standstill.  I did not seem to be changing or moving at all.  Things were not going as desired.  At times, it seemed as though my life was going backwards.  Yet, something was moving.  Something is always being created.  We are always evolving, despite appearances.

The tangible things that I visualized for myself in the past are not manifesting.  Nevertheless, what is occurring is amazing.  I feel as though blessings are overtaking me, outrunning me.  It’s not like I’ve won a million dollars.  My life is still full of stressful change, financial insecurity, lessons to be learned, and persons performing as I would not.  I am learning much on the run and through the fire.

I am flowing in a very fast river that is going in a direction that I think will benefit me in the long run.  I am observing my very interesting life that is changing daily.  Because I am not choosing the facts of my situation, I am learning to consistently adjust to new circumstances.  This is how my life was when I was young.  I sought newness.  As an older person, however, I must convince myself to stretch, to get out of whatever rut I was in.  Even though I wasn’t in a comfortable rut, I grew accustomed to doing things within the limitations in which I found myself.

Although I wasn’t happy with my bridge job (the one I took to get me to my next step), I was making enough to get through.  Now, I am working full time and making less than I was making at my part-time bridge job; but, it’s an exciting time.  I am working with children.  I’ve always loved being around children.  I learn new things because children are always in the present.  They see the world as it is today, as it is now, not as it will be tomorrow.  They don’t remember yesterday.  I’m learning to deal with children in different ways than the ways in which I was brought up.  This is an extremely intense learning experience.

I’m learning to say yes because this is a new world.  I’m not tying myself to the ways that I think should be.  I’m having to put into practice all of the principles that I have been writing about for the past two years in Ancient Seeker and the ways in which I’ve been trying to grow throughout the last 20 to 30 years.  There is a big difference in intellectually knowing what to do and actually being face to face with a situation or person and having to take a deep breath and dive in and make mistakes and figure out how to do it better the next time.

Opportunities are opening up.  Looking back and connecting the dots, when I decided to let go of tangible intentions and replace them with intangible desires, a huge space opened up for all kinds of things to come my way.  Perhaps, when I listed the tangibles, I put limits on myself.  I wanted “this” that way.  Stating intangibles as my intentions allowed all types of factual circumstances, situations, and people to come through and to me.  That way of existing led me to my very first job that exposed me to people, places, and things that I couldn’t imagine.

Once I made a decision to do a particularly practical thing and not flow with my heart, it closed me off to a lot of situations that might have been more in line with my authentic self.  Because I re-opened myself to intangibles, to intentions that could not be specifically defined, I have been given another chance to grow up, start again, and see the infinity that life has for me.

I don’t have a job where I’m sitting down.  I’m moving at all times.  Each day brings something totally unexpected.  I have to figure out what to do.  I have to refine myself and be open and receptive.  Many times, I make mistakes and I have to correct myself.  I’m constantly learning what I’m made of, what my substance is.

I’m learning to say ok, yes, I will.  I’m learning how to alter my perceptions from negative to more positive states.  I’m learning to trust and have faith.  My current environment is not as organized and efficient as those to which I am familiar.  I’m used to being in corporations where things are handled very quickly and very orderly.  I’m learning to adjust, learning to breathe through it all, learning to be ok with it, learning to BE with it.

When I focused on obtaining tangible items, I was always focused on money, and that seems to have led me astray.  My present position opens my soul and my heart.  I feel that I can make a difference with these kids.  I can try to teach them things that took me years to learn.  I feel that I have something to share, ways in which I can help them.  I think that’s a good thing.