After a particularly challenging day, I wanted to fill my drained self with food and wine, but I know from experience that this choice is merely a Band-Aid, not a cure.  In fact, it keeps me in the valley.  A stuffed self cannot flow.  A drugged self cannot clearly see signposts on the path.  We grow spiritually when we are strong mentally and physically.

So on this particularly day, I chose to enter my meditation room and sit with no time limit.  I would sit until I felt better.  I mentally released all debt, lack, and limitation.  I spoke my word and told my struggles to get thee behind me.  I visualized pictures of mountains of drama and trauma turning to sand.

I filled myself with abundance.  I spoke health and prosperity.  I saw the beauty of my life and saw myself connected to all life, to the energy of all existence, and to the energy of the Universe. In that connection, I felt such overwhelming love, God’s love, that I started crying from the sheer immensity of that feeling.  At that moment, I felt secure.  I felt safe.  I felt that my situation was not insurmountable, that it would be resolved, that I was one with God and, therefore, one with abundance.  One with prosperity.  I felt that.

When I completed my meditation, I was compelled to flip through various books on my shelves.  I felt that whatever page I landed on would be what I needed to hear.

In The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, priests were serenely facing violence from the government.  The protagonist was scared to death, in fear of his life, and didn’t understand why they were so calm.  The priests were calm because they needed to keep their vibration level high.  They knew if they were fearful, their energy dropped.  With low energy, they could not receive insight or attract helpful people.  Fear attracts itself – more situations and circumstances that evoke panic and trepidation.

My adverse circumstances keep repeating themselves because I continue to feed them.  When something doesn’t go as expected, I sink into such despair that I end up staying in the valley for a long time.  My faith wavers.  I do not remain steadfast.  I am like a raft that is thrown here and there by the winds.

I keep asking, “Why? Why do these things keep happening to me?”  In the Flow of Life by Eric Butterworth provided answers: “It may have been a miserable day, but it came to pass.  It has provided you with the challenge to reach for a higher level of consciousness.”

Undesirable situations come to bring me something I need for my own growth.  They will pass into oblivion when my lesson is learned.  As I let go of my concerns over my problems, an amazing resolution will come about.  My anxiety blocks the solution.  Dwelling in the darkness and futility of a situation keeps me despondent.  I must learn to flow with whatever life brings.  Challenges are instructive tools, helping me to evolve.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Translation and Commentary by Sri Swami Satchidananda, reminded me to be patient, persistent, and consistent in my practice.  Sometimes things don’t seem to be changing and I get frustrated.  Satchidananda states: “What is due to us will come without our worrying about it.”

Finally, I turned to the story of The Brave Merchant from The Hungry Tigress: Buddhist Myths, Legends & Jataka Tales, as told by Rafe Martin.  This is one of my favorite tales.  It is about a merchant who sees a wondering Buddha at his gate and decides to make an offering.  Mara, the Temptor, envelopes him in illusions of fiery hells.  She reasons, “If this merchant makes his offering, his faith will increase a thousandfold.  Someday, he will find his way beyond my devices and powers.”  The merchant masters his terror and triumphs over Mara’s illusions.

It turns out that Mara is a celestial bodhisattva.  A bodhisattva is one who seeks awakening, an aspiring buddha.  Potential buddhas range from those just setting out on the path to those who have spent lifetimes in training and have thereby acquired supernatural powers.  These “celestial” bodhisattvas are functionally equivalent to buddhas in their wisdom, compassion, and powers.  The commentary to The Brave Merchant states that “only one who is a bodhisattva can harass another bodhisattva, and only a bodhisattva can tolerate the harassment of another bodhisattva.”  I determine that I am a bodhisattva and I can tolerate this harassment and get through it.  I am thankful for my opportunities to grow.

I am now re-filled and rejuvenated.  I am ready to reenter the world and continue my practice.