Yesterday in meditation, I remembered a verse from the soundtrack “Prince of Egypt.” It says, “We were moving mountains before we knew we could.” I thought, “I can move mountains!” I became so filled with Spirit that I started crying. I’m worried about how to pay my bills and I can move mountains! It was overwhelming.
Yesterday, I read my horoscope and the movie Groundhog Day was mentioned in such a positive way that I went out and rented the movie. Surprisingly, I found it totally related to my current life. I laughed and cried throughout.
The Bill Murray character, Phil Connors, was bored with life; but, he blamed his state of affairs on other people. Others were to blame for his inability to get a better job and better assignments. People were morons. When he realized that he was living the same day over and over, he started using people, stealing, and otherwise taking advantage of the fact that he knew what was going to happen.
Over time, this got tiring so he tried to kill himself. Here I started crying, realizing that I have also wanted to end my life. But, every day, over and over, Phil Connors experienced his suicide attempts until he realized the fruitlessness of his endeavors. Finally, he started to see things differently. He started to see the beauty in life and how nice people were. He started changing himself.
Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick. The sage is not sick, being sick of sickness. This is the secret of health. Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
The door is a great wooden structure, bordered on all sides by a dark brown textured material found in old houses where craft was an art, not an economy. I can see the natural black lines of the bark. It is a huge door standing alone on the earth. There are no walls. There is nothing but the door. An open door.
I am standing in the middle of it. In back of me is brightness, a yellow-white encompassing glow. In front of me is darkness, like a dense foggy cloud. I turn around. Now, the light is in front of me, the darkness behind. As simple as that. Turning around. Choosing my direction. I can see through neither the brightness nor the darkness. Both represent an unknown. I have no emotional feelings; no intuition about either the darkness or the light.