Havingness.  That is my challenge at this time in my life.  My ability to have all that I need and desire without struggle, without pain, without loss of dignity and sacrifice of self.  My ability to have simply as a right of being a creature of the Universe.

The conflict is within myself.  Not accepting my right to have.  Not being completely aware of my gifts.  Not fully comprehending that my unlimited abundance is right before me awaiting my acknowledgement.  I keep looking for the key.  What else must I do?  I believe in my abundance.  I accept it, but it has not manifested in the ways that I desire, in the manner in which I define abundance.  Why?

Could it be because the very acts of seeking, desiring, and questioning are all proof of a belief in not having?  How can you desire that which you already have?

My intellect says: “you can see that you don’t have money by looking at your checkbook and by looking in your wallet.  Therefore, believing that you have money that you cannot feel and see is ridiculous.”

My inner voice counters: “You don’t have your next breath either.  Yet you don’t spend your seconds wishing for more oxygen or more life or to wake up tomorrow or to see the sunrise. You know that these things are a given, yet they are not.  Many people do not survive their next moment.  So why not have the same certainty about money that you have about your continued existence?  Why are you certain of some things and not others?”

Job said, “That which I feared most has come upon me.”  Do my desires disguise my fears?  I must look deeper into the roots of my desires.  There I may find the obstacles to my havingness.